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Help please - my son is trying to join the Ukrainian Army

Yonny

Hello, my son is autistic, 20 and highly intelligent. He has struggled to reach his academic potential and is not working either. He spends most of his time at his mother's home and there is little or no structure in his life. His self-esteem is very low, he is seeking a role in life and has been spending most of his nights talking to people on internet discussion groups. He has become obsessed with a career in the military and has made efforts to join the UK armed forces. More worryingly, he has contacted Ukrainian army recruiters and applied to join the Ukrainian army. He has made a Ukrainian online 'friend' who lives in the UK and they are planning to travel to Ukraine and join up in August. This does not seem a fantasy as he has already been to Poland to help humanitarian efforts. Irrespective of the merits of the cause he is completely inexperienced and is unsuited to military life having had mental health issues, depression and anxiety. He also struggles with authority and taking instructions/orders.

I appreciate there are more holistic issues to address to help him move forward in life in a more positive manner but I am seeking advice/experience on strategies to help stop him travelling.

Many thanks for all your help.

Regards,

Yonny

Parents
  • Yonny said:
    Irrespective of the merits of the cause he is completely inexperienced and is unsuited to military life having had mental health issues, depression and anxiety. He also struggles with authority and taking instructions/orders.

    Most army boot camps would most likely weed him out if he struggles with authority and taking instructions as they are trying to turn regular people into automatons willing to die if ordered (in a nutshell).

    Anyone who will not submit to this will soon be either kicked out or allowed to leave.

    I'm not sure what the process would in in Ukraine but I suspect they are short of recruits so will basically take anyone they can get.

    You say your son in 20 and intelligent so he is capable of making his own decisions I'm afraid. You would have no legal right to interfere with this even if you wanted to and I imagine that should you do something extreme like abducting him to stop him signing up then this will backfire badly, irrespecively of the fact it would be a criminal offence.

    One angle I can think of is to treat him as if he is going off to die - ask him where he wants to be buried / cremated and what to do if there is nothing left to send back. Ask how he wants his epitaph written, how you should break the news to his mother, grandparents, friends etc.

    This may make him realise the impact of his decisions and give him pause to reconsider.

    Ultimately I fear there is little you can do but support him and let him know you love him. There is no certainty that he will die as a result so you can hope for the best.

    This is only my thoughts on the matter, not advice or directions.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It can't be easy to do this.

Reply
  • Yonny said:
    Irrespective of the merits of the cause he is completely inexperienced and is unsuited to military life having had mental health issues, depression and anxiety. He also struggles with authority and taking instructions/orders.

    Most army boot camps would most likely weed him out if he struggles with authority and taking instructions as they are trying to turn regular people into automatons willing to die if ordered (in a nutshell).

    Anyone who will not submit to this will soon be either kicked out or allowed to leave.

    I'm not sure what the process would in in Ukraine but I suspect they are short of recruits so will basically take anyone they can get.

    You say your son in 20 and intelligent so he is capable of making his own decisions I'm afraid. You would have no legal right to interfere with this even if you wanted to and I imagine that should you do something extreme like abducting him to stop him signing up then this will backfire badly, irrespecively of the fact it would be a criminal offence.

    One angle I can think of is to treat him as if he is going off to die - ask him where he wants to be buried / cremated and what to do if there is nothing left to send back. Ask how he wants his epitaph written, how you should break the news to his mother, grandparents, friends etc.

    This may make him realise the impact of his decisions and give him pause to reconsider.

    Ultimately I fear there is little you can do but support him and let him know you love him. There is no certainty that he will die as a result so you can hope for the best.

    This is only my thoughts on the matter, not advice or directions.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It can't be easy to do this.

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