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I failed to protect her

hypercolius

I was walking yesterday when I saw two cyclists, with one of them yelling at the other. 

I have ASD (Level 1) and also appear to have severe ADHD- enough for a fast-tracked referral to be sent. 

The person who was yelling, a frail-looking man, got off his bike and began physically threatening and yelling at the other, a woman. 

She looked terrified and the whole situation looked terrible. 

I was nearby, I could have intervened. The man was about my size, but much older and incredibly frail, so I could have easily stopped him if I wanted to. 

Despite the severity of the situation, I just walked on and didn't intervene. I almost turned around to deal with him when the situation escalated, but I did not have my phone with me to call the police. 

I feel I'm a horrible person for not stepping in to protect her. Saying 'I will next time' makes me feel worse because next time I'm sure I'll chicken out again. 

Parents

  • I believe it is relatively common for people not to step in. There's a mindset of "someone else will help", or not wanting to get involved. From a safety standpoint as well, you have no idea what people are hiding under clothing, or what they might do.

    I don't think it makes someone horrible for not being the person that steps in. The horrible person is the one commiting the act.

  • in reply to D

    I should have stepped in, though. I did it before. And there was nobody else around- what if she ended up badly hurt? He wouldn't have really been able to take me head-on due to his size and age unless he had a knife with him (and I have had training even with that). 

    I was upset because me walking away like that reminded me of how everyone walked away from me when three girls turned an entire university society against me. Instead of calling them out, everyone just went along with it. 

    And when I directly asked for help once from 2 people, they made excuses but never stepped it. That's why I felt bad- because I know what being abandoned like that feels like. 

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  • in reply to D

    I should have stepped in, though. I did it before. And there was nobody else around- what if she ended up badly hurt? He wouldn't have really been able to take me head-on due to his size and age unless he had a knife with him (and I have had training even with that). 

    I was upset because me walking away like that reminded me of how everyone walked away from me when three girls turned an entire university society against me. Instead of calling them out, everyone just went along with it. 

    And when I directly asked for help once from 2 people, they made excuses but never stepped it. That's why I felt bad- because I know what being abandoned like that feels like. 

Children
  • in reply to hypercolius
    hypercolius said:
    what if she ended up badly hurt?

    Try looking at the picture from a wider angle.

    What if you had gotten hurt?

    What if you had tried to restrain the old man and ended up breaking his arm (the elderly often have brittle bones so this is a possibility)? You would now be seen as the agressor in the eyes of the law and be the one prosecuted for bodily harm.

    It becomes a minfield which is why other people step back and say "it isn't worth it" if they have no stake in the goings-on.

    I fear society has long passed the point of caring about individuals very much.

    If you do choose to step in then at least be informed as to the possible consequences then decide if a stranger is worth the risk you bring on yourself.