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I failed to protect her

hypercolius

I was walking yesterday when I saw two cyclists, with one of them yelling at the other. 

I have ASD (Level 1) and also appear to have severe ADHD- enough for a fast-tracked referral to be sent. 

The person who was yelling, a frail-looking man, got off his bike and began physically threatening and yelling at the other, a woman. 

She looked terrified and the whole situation looked terrible. 

I was nearby, I could have intervened. The man was about my size, but much older and incredibly frail, so I could have easily stopped him if I wanted to. 

Despite the severity of the situation, I just walked on and didn't intervene. I almost turned around to deal with him when the situation escalated, but I did not have my phone with me to call the police. 

I feel I'm a horrible person for not stepping in to protect her. Saying 'I will next time' makes me feel worse because next time I'm sure I'll chicken out again. 

Parents

  • How shocking for the woman and how horrible for you to witness that.

    I think the theory of what you could have done and the safe and practical action of what you actually did, are naturally going to provoke tension in your mind, and lead to all kinds of negative thoughts such as you are a “horrible person”.

    The reality is that you weren’t responsible for the incident. If you had stepped in, even though it seemed the man was frail, he clearly was violent and you don’t know if he was carrying anything that could have injured you or worse.

    We all do things that we regret, and things that we believe we should have done. You likely hadn’t ever come across an incident just like that, and it is a learning opportunity for you, rather than something to blame yourself over. 

    Police officers are trained over many months to deal with situations like the one you witnessed, and moreover, they often have the body protection and weapons to help them. You likely have no experience, 

    The situation is in past and I know you said you are sure you would chicken out next time, but if it helps, you could replay the events in your mind and think of how you would deal differently but safely with the situation. It might be that you wouldn’t do anything differently, and that is often the only safe and realistically practical thing that you can do. You could walk past, but go back afterwards, or you could imagine always carrying your phone to call for help, etc. 

    I think you are being very harsh on yourself and you don’t deserve to be consumed by such negative thoughts. 

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  • How shocking for the woman and how horrible for you to witness that.

    I think the theory of what you could have done and the safe and practical action of what you actually did, are naturally going to provoke tension in your mind, and lead to all kinds of negative thoughts such as you are a “horrible person”.

    The reality is that you weren’t responsible for the incident. If you had stepped in, even though it seemed the man was frail, he clearly was violent and you don’t know if he was carrying anything that could have injured you or worse.

    We all do things that we regret, and things that we believe we should have done. You likely hadn’t ever come across an incident just like that, and it is a learning opportunity for you, rather than something to blame yourself over. 

    Police officers are trained over many months to deal with situations like the one you witnessed, and moreover, they often have the body protection and weapons to help them. You likely have no experience, 

    The situation is in past and I know you said you are sure you would chicken out next time, but if it helps, you could replay the events in your mind and think of how you would deal differently but safely with the situation. It might be that you wouldn’t do anything differently, and that is often the only safe and realistically practical thing that you can do. You could walk past, but go back afterwards, or you could imagine always carrying your phone to call for help, etc. 

    I think you are being very harsh on yourself and you don’t deserve to be consumed by such negative thoughts. 

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