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I failed to protect her

hypercolius

I was walking yesterday when I saw two cyclists, with one of them yelling at the other. 

I have ASD (Level 1) and also appear to have severe ADHD- enough for a fast-tracked referral to be sent. 

The person who was yelling, a frail-looking man, got off his bike and began physically threatening and yelling at the other, a woman. 

She looked terrified and the whole situation looked terrible. 

I was nearby, I could have intervened. The man was about my size, but much older and incredibly frail, so I could have easily stopped him if I wanted to. 

Despite the severity of the situation, I just walked on and didn't intervene. I almost turned around to deal with him when the situation escalated, but I did not have my phone with me to call the police. 

I feel I'm a horrible person for not stepping in to protect her. Saying 'I will next time' makes me feel worse because next time I'm sure I'll chicken out again. 

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  • hypercolius said:
    I feel I'm a horrible person for not stepping in to protect her.

    In todays society there is a significant risk of being told to keep your nose out of their business (by both), by being called a chauvanist for assuming she needed a man to stand up for her or for getting into an altrication with the man, hurting him when you had to restrain him from hitting you then getting sued.

    The risk of standing up for someone in distress is a real kicker I'm afraid.

    Probably the best you could do is to video it on your phone quite blatantly and say "I'm going to report you to the police" and then ask the lady if she wanted any support from this aggression. Let the fear of being proven committing a crime keep him in his place - then offer your contact info to the woman in case she wants to use it in a prosecution later (email address is probably enough).

    We all suffer from "what if" analysis of events but it is how you respond to them in future having thought it through that will define you I feel.

    So having said all that, what would you do differently if you could?

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  • hypercolius said:
    I feel I'm a horrible person for not stepping in to protect her.

    In todays society there is a significant risk of being told to keep your nose out of their business (by both), by being called a chauvanist for assuming she needed a man to stand up for her or for getting into an altrication with the man, hurting him when you had to restrain him from hitting you then getting sued.

    The risk of standing up for someone in distress is a real kicker I'm afraid.

    Probably the best you could do is to video it on your phone quite blatantly and say "I'm going to report you to the police" and then ask the lady if she wanted any support from this aggression. Let the fear of being proven committing a crime keep him in his place - then offer your contact info to the woman in case she wants to use it in a prosecution later (email address is probably enough).

    We all suffer from "what if" analysis of events but it is how you respond to them in future having thought it through that will define you I feel.

    So having said all that, what would you do differently if you could?

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