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“I should know how to do this simple thing!”

aurelis

Hey all,

I was making some fish cakes and I found the process really hard. I don’t cook often, but when I do, I end up overthinking the process. my mind can be rigid to instructions, and often if there is something that I don’t understand or doesn’t make sense, I overthink it until I shutdown.

it tends to be why I can struggle to start things. I was meant to soak the fish over five days, but I was putting off starting cooking and now it soaked more than a week. 

the solution? Fortunately my mom was there to help me through the cooking process, but I was beating up myself for not getting it right and asking very rudimentary questions, and couldn’t help but think that if I was trying to do this around friends, I would feel ashamed to be this lacking in understanding. I had to realise also to let go of my male pride of “I should know this and should have control of this”, and allow my mom to help me with the process, with her showing me what things to do so that I can grow. 

I realise that to an extent this is why I’m not growing. When something becomes too overwhelming, I can shut down or blank the thing out instead of facing it head on. And I don’t ask for help, feeling ashamed. “I should understand this, it’s so simple, why am I so stupid, come on!”

anyone relate to this?

Parents

  • I think anyone who's tried assembling a piece of flatpack furniture will relate to this!

    I'm like it with dress making patterns, how to thread a sewing machine, all sorts of things, it's like it's in a different language, which of course many sets of instructions are, they start in one language, get translated to another, then the translation gets translated. I'm like it with verbal instructions too, especially when someone explains something three different ways, without checking that I understood the first one, I get really cross as I feel like they've deliberately made something complicated.

    Mind you my total cackhandedness is almost legendary, as a friend who saw me trying to insert a coin to release a shopping trolley found, she was just looking at me like I'd come down in the last shower of rain, it was in no way intutitive, but so simple when she showed me, duh!

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  • I think anyone who's tried assembling a piece of flatpack furniture will relate to this!

    I'm like it with dress making patterns, how to thread a sewing machine, all sorts of things, it's like it's in a different language, which of course many sets of instructions are, they start in one language, get translated to another, then the translation gets translated. I'm like it with verbal instructions too, especially when someone explains something three different ways, without checking that I understood the first one, I get really cross as I feel like they've deliberately made something complicated.

    Mind you my total cackhandedness is almost legendary, as a friend who saw me trying to insert a coin to release a shopping trolley found, she was just looking at me like I'd come down in the last shower of rain, it was in no way intutitive, but so simple when she showed me, duh!

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