• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 6 subscribers
  • Views 272 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Feeling tired and disheartened

Alien0n3arth

I’m bullied at work by other ND colleague, he has adhd and BPD. Last few months his behavior is getting worse and worse. I finally said something about it. Earlier, last year we spoke and he said, that he hates when people speak behind his back. So I decided to speak directly to him. Without rudeness I told him, that his behavior is wrong and he Interrupted my work. As a result he got offended and started bullying me and takes revenge. I reported that to my manager, he reported to the boss. Setting healthy boundaries is a key to be able to function. As I struggle to regulate my emotions and reactions, this conversation was hard for me and I had my heart racing in my chest, but I did my best to stay calm. Now this colleague is taking revenge by making mess for me deliberately. I showed it to my manager, he was not surprised. I asked if that guy did it deliberately, he just nodded and ask me to not worry about it. He took care of it. So at least here I’m calmer - I know that they know that it wasn’t me, it was him. They got used to his mess. To me it looks like everyone in the company does not want to have anything to do with him, nobody likes to work with him but they put up with all of his bad behavior. Is it because of his diagnosis? Is it just a diagnosis abuse, I have adhd and BPD and nobody can say to me anything, everybody must put up with my bad behavior, otherwise I get furious and I will get revenge…. I thought, people get diagnosed to get further help, therapy, etc. here looks like he is just riding it. He needs therapy for sure, but looks like there is no power to convince him or force him. I’m wondering how long I manage to work there. I’m not managing stress well, recently I banged my head to calm down. It worked short term but long term I had headaches for few days and nausea. 
i like my job, my tasks etc. and I’m happy when the colleague is not there. Not only me. Boss, everybody knows what trouble he causes and do nothing with it. I habe no Energy to go to court. Looks like I have to change job, it’s not gonna be easy. Sorry for long post. I just feel helpless 

Parents

  • I get really annoyed when I hear of situations like yours, where everybody knows someones a problem but can't or won't do anything about it. Often these sort of trouble makers know the exact legal position of themselves and their employers and are very careful to stay just on the right side of the law.

    Can you work from home and is that something your boss would support?

    Are you a member of a trade union, if you are then can they help?

    It's a bit of a long shot, but an organisation like ACAS may be able to help or at least give you some advice, they may be able to help your employer too. People think that ACAS only mediate in strikes, but they do all sorts of work place situations. A quick search will give you  contact details.

    I think regardless of your own diagnosis, anyone would find your situation unbearable, you are not the problem, your managers agree that you're not the problem. I think you've been very patient, but enough is enough and you have to do something. But you have time to consider your options. If you had the backing of a group like ACAS then I think going to court might be easier, but I really think you need expert advice on what to do next.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I work in a warehouse, homeoffice is not an option.

    I have to tolerate this guy smoking marihuana in the office and it's awful smell, loud music, throwing papers on the floor,  throwing tantrums and throwing things around, that is so similar to my father's behaviour, I get scared, I had to put up with him shouting, he comes to work if he wants and when he wants, behaves there as if he was the most important one over there. And he was also furious at me, that I refuse him giving my password to my personal account. I have impression it's all a one big pathology.

    I finally said something not about him personally, but about his behaviour and this is the reaction. Now I know that people with borderline are extremely sensitive to any criticism, I had to educate myself about his mental illness,  but he doesn't even do that much to let me know, that he gonna open the back gate and the alarm will turn on and I need to cover my ears, so as a result I get panic attacks. I feel like I need to change a job to save my mental health 

Reply
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I work in a warehouse, homeoffice is not an option.

    I have to tolerate this guy smoking marihuana in the office and it's awful smell, loud music, throwing papers on the floor,  throwing tantrums and throwing things around, that is so similar to my father's behaviour, I get scared, I had to put up with him shouting, he comes to work if he wants and when he wants, behaves there as if he was the most important one over there. And he was also furious at me, that I refuse him giving my password to my personal account. I have impression it's all a one big pathology.

    I finally said something not about him personally, but about his behaviour and this is the reaction. Now I know that people with borderline are extremely sensitive to any criticism, I had to educate myself about his mental illness,  but he doesn't even do that much to let me know, that he gonna open the back gate and the alarm will turn on and I need to cover my ears, so as a result I get panic attacks. I feel like I need to change a job to save my mental health 

Children
No Data