My mum recently diagnosed with autism.

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry to hear of your family's struggles.

For context, I'm an adult child of parents who, between them, seem likely to be autistic and/or have ADHD. In terms of comparison with your mum, I'm autistic and also have issues with anxiety, OCD, and more.

Pumpkinbean24 said:

Looking for some support / guidance on how to navigate life, my mum’s feelings and my own following this diagnosis..

In respect of better understanding your mum's issues and feelings, you might find these resources helpful. The offer information and advice about these conditions in the specific context of autism:

NAS - Anxiety

NAS - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

To better understand your mum's autism-related struggles, this is a great starting point - and includes links to other resources that discuss various aspects in more depth:

NAS - What is autism?

Pumpkinbean24 said:

She also tried to make plans out of her routine last weekend when I wasn’t here making me think it’s me she doesn’t want to break routine for.

Speaking from experience, the opposite could, in fact, be true - so perhaps don't assume the worst.

For example, I recently broke a very longstanding, OCD-based routine of my own. It was one that my partner had, for a long time, been encouraging me to try and change and that I, too, had wanted to try and stop.

Mentally, I built up to making that change over several weeks whilst continuing with the routine during that time. I then specifically chose to break it at a time when I finally felt ready, but also, importantly, when my partner wasn't around.

I knew that I would feel less pressured and more comfortable trying to do it alone than if I was in their company / being observed by them. This gave me the time and space to tackle what felt like a very big change at my own pace and on my own terms.

Pumpkinbean24 said:

In the past we have never been able to discuss how we feel because she finds it too confrontational.

One of the recommendations that commonly follows an autism diagnosis is some form of therapy or counselling (via a GP referral or self-referral to NHS Talking Therapies or counselling). Whether in conjunction with that or separately, your family might find it helpful to have support from a therapist or counsellor (with experience of helping neurodivergent clients) to facilitate discussing your feelings together.

On that note, I'll just mention this book, which many of us here have found helpful - as may your mum, in due course. It discusses various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Whilst it's obviously not directly applicable in terms of the nature of your relationship with your mum, the themes and advice in this book might also be helpful:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

The NAS also has some advice here:

Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry to hear of your family's struggles.

For context, I'm an adult child of parents who, between them, seem likely to be autistic and/or have ADHD. In terms of comparison with your mum, I'm autistic and also have issues with anxiety, OCD, and more.

Pumpkinbean24 said:

Looking for some support / guidance on how to navigate life, my mum’s feelings and my own following this diagnosis..

In respect of better understanding your mum's issues and feelings, you might find these resources helpful. The offer information and advice about these conditions in the specific context of autism:

NAS - Anxiety

NAS - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

To better understand your mum's autism-related struggles, this is a great starting point - and includes links to other resources that discuss various aspects in more depth:

NAS - What is autism?

Pumpkinbean24 said:

She also tried to make plans out of her routine last weekend when I wasn’t here making me think it’s me she doesn’t want to break routine for.

Speaking from experience, the opposite could, in fact, be true - so perhaps don't assume the worst.

For example, I recently broke a very longstanding, OCD-based routine of my own. It was one that my partner had, for a long time, been encouraging me to try and change and that I, too, had wanted to try and stop.

Mentally, I built up to making that change over several weeks whilst continuing with the routine during that time. I then specifically chose to break it at a time when I finally felt ready, but also, importantly, when my partner wasn't around.

I knew that I would feel less pressured and more comfortable trying to do it alone than if I was in their company / being observed by them. This gave me the time and space to tackle what felt like a very big change at my own pace and on my own terms.

Pumpkinbean24 said:

In the past we have never been able to discuss how we feel because she finds it too confrontational.

One of the recommendations that commonly follows an autism diagnosis is some form of therapy or counselling (via a GP referral or self-referral to NHS Talking Therapies or counselling). Whether in conjunction with that or separately, your family might find it helpful to have support from a therapist or counsellor (with experience of helping neurodivergent clients) to facilitate discussing your feelings together.

On that note, I'll just mention this book, which many of us here have found helpful - as may your mum, in due course. It discusses various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Whilst it's obviously not directly applicable in terms of the nature of your relationship with your mum, the themes and advice in this book might also be helpful:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

The NAS also has some advice here:

Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people