I ended up developing depression after my third year of university due to several events including targeted bullying, writing an Office of the Independent Adjudicator complaint and everything else that happened.
I (GB) became very close to a girl (SG) and we progressively drew closer. On the 9th July, it will be 7 months since we met (although to be honest her mother was sort of 'shipping' us for years prior to that).
There were moments when I dreadfully spiralled when she suddenly disappeared and didn't text for days. In February, she didn't text for 5 days when she had exams. In May, she didn't text for 6 days due to exams. And, now, it's been 6 days since she last messaged since starting an internship.
I don't learn anything. Just like before, I'm dreadfully spiralling and thinking I lost her.
Just before all this happened, SG had a 2.5 hour call with me where she spent £200 booking a holiday for us. Just me and her. At least £70 of this has been processed. Last week, she was writing me unusually- she was writing me torrents of questions and seemed more eager than I've ever seen her.
Paraphrased, her last message was: "Yes, I can help you move out of university, shouldn't be a problem during my internship! Thanks- next weekend is good for a call :) How did your presentation go?? I had a lovely trip, thanks, I did (then she listed it). What did you even have to eat when camping? Nooo, so close! Maybe some other time! How's your knee, though? What would you say is the coolest bird you saw? Sorry I didn't answer you earlier!", except she wrote a lot more things than that.
Previously, she said she was too busy for a call this past weekend, and herself offered this upcoming one. Then asked 7 questions about my trip.
On Monday, she started an internship at a company which is from 9am-5pm. Every weekday. I messaged her on Monday and she didn't respond. I started taking sertraline around then, which may have contributed to the horrible severity of the anxiety spiral. I had to use diazepam a few times on prescription to stop it, but that resulted in me being wiped out for the rest of the day and the next day too.
Can people just decide to abandon me, after booking trips, after making plans, after being so sweet? We never had an argument- ever, and she keeps saying 'I promise I'll tell you if I want something else/to stop'.
I'm just really scared. Especially since the weekend is tomorrow. I do struggle with trusting people, due to spending years abused in relationships. This is (was?) the first one where I was treated with kindness.
