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Is it normal and how to cope?

Alien0n3arth

I'm having my therapy. Its a psychotherapy. I communicate with my therapist with help of pictures drawn by me before each session. I draw everything, my interests from the past, my present interests, my thoughts, experiences, situations, misunderstandings etc. He likes my pictures. I can speak and I do speak but talking about my feelings is hard for me. I often start crying although I don't want it and I don't actually know why I'm so disregulated out of nothing. It's my problem since ever. I have 12 sessions paid by my insurance company. Almost half is gone. I'm sad thinking that my therapy will be over and I will not have it with this doctor anymore. I feel that this is tge only doctor and only person, who I meet in live, who understands me. I feel kinda bonded. I probably shouldn't. I hope he will not leave me like that without directing me to further support. He knows what awful abuse I experienced in my youth and suggested specialised trauma therapy which I'm happy to take. 

Is it normal? How to cope with this bond? I kinda feel like a chd in adult world. 

Parents

  • They mean something to you as they are there to help. If you have no-one else it is hard. It seems to be normal.

    You have someone you can talk to, although remember it is almost all one way. You share all your secrets, but you do not know theirs. It is not a friendship, even though you feel like it is.

    I bond with almost nobody and can normally just walk away, but after 10'ish sessions, when I stopped for a while, I felt abandoned as I walked away. Fortunately it only lasted a couple of hours.

    I tried very hard to tell myself all long it would end and it is just a professional relationship.

    I also found it strange at the end of each of the diagnosis meetings I have had. Maybe it is just loneliness.

Reply

  • They mean something to you as they are there to help. If you have no-one else it is hard. It seems to be normal.

    You have someone you can talk to, although remember it is almost all one way. You share all your secrets, but you do not know theirs. It is not a friendship, even though you feel like it is.

    I bond with almost nobody and can normally just walk away, but after 10'ish sessions, when I stopped for a while, I felt abandoned as I walked away. Fortunately it only lasted a couple of hours.

    I tried very hard to tell myself all long it would end and it is just a professional relationship.

    I also found it strange at the end of each of the diagnosis meetings I have had. Maybe it is just loneliness.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you for your answer,  

    I'm not totally alone. I have husband and daughter,  but my husband does not understand even half of my problems. Fir him it's just me bring weirdo. And for him I suddenly became weird after our daughter came to this world because before I hid from him my rituals and big part of my stimming. When the baby came yo this world I was so overwhelmed,  it felt like I was in a wrong body. The mask slipped off. He started seing me pacing kitchen, watching and reading about aliens, and other things. Me having no friends was never an issue for him and me not wanting to see his friends was also not an issue. We come from different cultures, he is Muslim. So in his culture men and women generally spend time separately and it's not usual that his wife would speak to his friend. And I'm absolutely happy about it. I can just make them coffee, but don't have to, they make it themselves and have their chat, I have my peace in a separate room and don't complain. 

    The problem is that this doctor is the only person who understands me and my problems. Nobody else does. .husband seems to slowly accept the weirdness, that came together with my "sweetness" as he says. My mom has always ignored every problem i had. Even awful violent meltdowns with self harm in my childhood. So she is actually the last person i would ever share anything with. My Sister laughs at me not understanding jokes and sarcasm. So also not "safe".