Hi, my name is emma!
I am really at a low point in my life, im sleeping really bad for about a month even LONGER. I always had issues with sleep cause of my sleeping disorder, but now i can sleep without pills which is a great improvement for me. But lately i struggled with insomnia and its making me miserable. And sleep for me as an autistic is one of the most important self care things for me. im so exhausted lately and its weighing heavy on my daily life. I Meltdown more often, I have more anxiety, more emotional, more angry actually really angry with things that happen in my household even tho its not a loud place. it is calm at home like really chill but im so angry lately and everything is pissing me off, even myself and i beat myself up for it (mentally too all the time) . when i meltdown i hit myself and i regret it after. my eyes burn and head aches like crazy and want to nap but i am never able to nap. It is such a pain.
i wonder if im going through autism fatigue? I cant get out of bed until 2 hours after waking up sometimes and just my eyes feel so heavy, plus tired all day on repeat and like a spell is casted on me. i sleep for 12 hours sometimes which i only need 8 hours and wake up swollen and puffy and drained and still cant get out of bed. I cry a lot too cause im sensitive and other issues which don't involve me. Like my bf's anger issues which are extreme and we are ldr soon to meet in 2 months. He is a great bf and i love him more than anything like he does with me and i love him through his anger. He does apologise and fix things. But i struggle not melting down when he's angry or raises his voice a little or even just annoyed. We have been together for 3 years maybe even a bit longer. I just think.... when im angry i dont take it out on him, im not mean and don't become distant.. Just wish his anger issues were non existent. I need a calm, gentle person. and hes not that just sometimes he is. he does try a lot. butr when hes tired theres no trying in him sometimes.
I just want some tips with things im going through if possible.
im really struggling and always feel overwhelmed. and another thing that upsets me is my bf gets annoyed when i need things repeated but i cant help it. is anyone the same here. autism and repeating. and just needing more information to understand and always asking questions.. which iknow is not a bad thing but i also know i need to not do it as much cause of his anger issues. like we have to work together. im not perfect, i have things to work on like managing my autism is my bigges thing. Not crying as much ect
i mean rn im crying cause of my bf
we really are great together but his anger issue and him saying im emotionally manipulating him just cause im upfront and honest about my emotions. like im trying to make him feel bad to do what he didn't want to do to make me happy. but i wasnt. i already told him okay to smth but that i was upset about it. just expressing my feelings. i feel like i walk on eggshells or he will be mean to me. hes the sweetest but when hes in a bad mood or getting sick like a cold or tired from work, he is not the best.
please give me help on what to do and how to come away from them situations when hes that way in the nicest way possible. we really have a connection im not leavcing him just cause of his anger issues. cause no one is perfect but i know not everyone has toxic anger issues but im happy with him. but he is angry a little too much.
I cry nearly 4 times a week cause of smth he did and him making it worse and then blaming me thennnn fixing it after already being drained. i really need to come away when hes like that but i have a thing for justice. so im accused of arguing but in reality im trying to get understanding and to understand them. while also spilling the FACTS and TRUTH to serve justice for myself. cand i dont let things go. am i only one? someone mean to you and you dont back down even if they deny and blame?
just need advice on sleep and stopping my pure o (ocd) from going out of control and making me do things i don't want to do,
and calming routines before bed and i cant really sleep without YouTube playing in background of a comfort YouTuber like case oh or 3FS
i just think why cant i be happy and rested, i found love of my life but he comes with a serious issue and im struggling with my sensitive heart. when i cry i feel like i lost someone, my heart hurts and my eyes fill with water. i feel extremely deeply. i can scream and cry for hours. and its a vicious cycle. Also sorry if this is messy 
life has been extremely hard for me. and im homeschooled but just learning literal daily tasks. I cant even take a bus on my own. my mom is my carer and i love my mom a lot she is the best and she does really well also considering she has some personal issues (not mentally) other than anxiety and maybe depression and negative thinking sometimes. Anyways PLEASE HELPPPPPPPP i need advice on this relationship and my life as a whole. much love guys thanks for reading.