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Feeling lost

Hergé

I'm sitting here feeling very tearful. I had a conversation with a psychologist the other day and it brought something into incredibly sharp focus.

I have problems with the whole "human connection" thing, if I don't see people very regularly I forget what they should me to me.

My son went away to university last year and although we connect through WhatsApp (mainly pebbling) , that intrinsic bond we had now seems incredibly tenuous. He does come home but it feels different and I hate it.

I've also come to realise that his physical absence has caused a shift in my relationship with my wife, it's almost as if he was some sort of tether that held everything together. It's like I'm having to re-learn our social dynamic and it's hard.

I think this on top of my fairly recent autism diagnosis is just weighing on me, I feel as if I've lost my place in my world. To my wife, my diagnosis didn't change who I am but it truly made me question myself asI have grown to understand the impact it has had on my life.

I need to be able to express my feelings to my wife but I don't fully understand them myself, so where do I start? She hopefully knows that she's incredibly important to me but I still fear rejection, it seems foolish that I feel that this simple conversation could shatter the foundation that my life is built upon, it won't but I just can't get the words out.

Anyway I hope you have a better day. Take care.

Parents

  • Don't do what I did. Don't assume you know what your partner thinks. Don't interpret their signals and body language. You may misread it.

    Tell her what she means to you. Have an open and honest conversation. Ask her what she thinks and listen to what she says.

    Even if both of you say things the other doesn't like and you go into denial, take time to think about it and when calm try to not take it too personally (although obviously it is). There may well be legitimate comments that you just need time to think about. Get a 3rd party to help if needed.

    Try to find compromises if needed that will make both of you happy.

    Be aware you may think you are thinking straight, but you might not be. You might need some space or be getting overloaded, so take your time.

    You have had a shock, it is a change, change is unsettling. Don't get overwhelmed, give yourself some space and don't be too hard.

Reply

  • Don't do what I did. Don't assume you know what your partner thinks. Don't interpret their signals and body language. You may misread it.

    Tell her what she means to you. Have an open and honest conversation. Ask her what she thinks and listen to what she says.

    Even if both of you say things the other doesn't like and you go into denial, take time to think about it and when calm try to not take it too personally (although obviously it is). There may well be legitimate comments that you just need time to think about. Get a 3rd party to help if needed.

    Try to find compromises if needed that will make both of you happy.

    Be aware you may think you are thinking straight, but you might not be. You might need some space or be getting overloaded, so take your time.

    You have had a shock, it is a change, change is unsettling. Don't get overwhelmed, give yourself some space and don't be too hard.

Children
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