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Feeling lost

Hergé

I'm sitting here feeling very tearful. I had a conversation with a psychologist the other day and it brought something into incredibly sharp focus.

I have problems with the whole "human connection" thing, if I don't see people very regularly I forget what they should me to me.

My son went away to university last year and although we connect through WhatsApp (mainly pebbling) , that intrinsic bond we had now seems incredibly tenuous. He does come home but it feels different and I hate it.

I've also come to realise that his physical absence has caused a shift in my relationship with my wife, it's almost as if he was some sort of tether that held everything together. It's like I'm having to re-learn our social dynamic and it's hard.

I think this on top of my fairly recent autism diagnosis is just weighing on me, I feel as if I've lost my place in my world. To my wife, my diagnosis didn't change who I am but it truly made me question myself asI have grown to understand the impact it has had on my life.

I need to be able to express my feelings to my wife but I don't fully understand them myself, so where do I start? She hopefully knows that she's incredibly important to me but I still fear rejection, it seems foolish that I feel that this simple conversation could shatter the foundation that my life is built upon, it won't but I just can't get the words out.

Anyway I hope you have a better day. Take care.

Parents

  • Hey Hergé,

    Change can be immensely difficult for us on the spectrum, so I can only imagine such a huge life event such as this could cause some upheaval in your life.

    In regards to your son, you have to remember that he is being bombarded with new experiences. New friends, new ideas, new adventures, etc. Especially at the beginning of his academic journey, his mind is being diverted by all these new things. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or appreciate you less. You may find that as college gradually becomes less new, his bond with you might stabilize back to a point that you recognize. Just have patience and keep on keeping on.

    As for your wife, I’m not exactly sure where you should start, but it sounds to me like your wife is unlikely to reject you if you announce to her how important she is to you. Maybe opening up about your feelings towards the change your son’s departure has made would be a good starting point?

    However you wish to approach it, I wish you the best. Change is scary, but it sounds as though things are going to go well. Best wishes!

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  • Hey Hergé,

    Change can be immensely difficult for us on the spectrum, so I can only imagine such a huge life event such as this could cause some upheaval in your life.

    In regards to your son, you have to remember that he is being bombarded with new experiences. New friends, new ideas, new adventures, etc. Especially at the beginning of his academic journey, his mind is being diverted by all these new things. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or appreciate you less. You may find that as college gradually becomes less new, his bond with you might stabilize back to a point that you recognize. Just have patience and keep on keeping on.

    As for your wife, I’m not exactly sure where you should start, but it sounds to me like your wife is unlikely to reject you if you announce to her how important she is to you. Maybe opening up about your feelings towards the change your son’s departure has made would be a good starting point?

    However you wish to approach it, I wish you the best. Change is scary, but it sounds as though things are going to go well. Best wishes!

Children
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