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Achievement or relief?

TheCatWoman

According to an article in the Guardian, a feeling of relief at finishing a task instead of relishing your accomplishment could lead to depression and never feeling good enough. It can also lead to constantly upping the ante and never feeling good enough.

I was surprised by this, as I feel relief when I've finished a task and having it accepted with no fall out as having gotten away with it!  I guess in some part thats due to imposter syndrome which I suffer with in so many areas, but I never have a sense of accomplishment or pride, even when my garden looks good, its because the plants have done thier thing, rather than it being down to me.

I've never been goal driven and my mind goes blank when people ask me to set one for myself, I've also never been aflicted with an ambition either, everything I've done I've either sort of fallen into, or its something I like the idea of and the opportunity has come up at the right time.

Whilst I used to enjoy the feedback from lecturers at uni, I was never success driven, I remember having quite a heated discussion about final grades, I said I didn't care if I got a 1st or a 3rd, because I was there to enjoy learning, she couldn't get her head around the idea, that it would probably freak me out if I got a 1st.

I don't think my sense of success, achievement or ambition is the same as anyone elses, nor are my reactions to having got away with it, its not about self esteem or pride, its about not being singled out for attention and remaining hidden in the background. I think I've got to a point in life now where I dont' feel the need of validation from the outside world, whether its' because I really don't need it, have got used to doing without it, I don't know, I do know that I don't know how to deal with compliments and am waiting for the axe to fall, the sarcasm to start and the general takedown and ridicule.

Does anyone understand this?

Parents

  • I can relate to the point around compliments or praise this is something I struggle to cope with or accept. I do not look for feedback or compliments, most of the time the hardest critic to please is myself. I am very rarely happy with what I’ve done, although I’ve got a bit better with managing my time looking for a perfect thing especially at work. In terms of tasks themselves I do get satisfaction from clearing them off. I struggle with unfinished things…again I’m better than I was but iit still weighs on my mind until I can finish it off….

Reply

  • I can relate to the point around compliments or praise this is something I struggle to cope with or accept. I do not look for feedback or compliments, most of the time the hardest critic to please is myself. I am very rarely happy with what I’ve done, although I’ve got a bit better with managing my time looking for a perfect thing especially at work. In terms of tasks themselves I do get satisfaction from clearing them off. I struggle with unfinished things…again I’m better than I was but iit still weighs on my mind until I can finish it off….

Children
  • in reply to White_Dragon

    I think a lot of people look at things they've done and only see what they'd do differently next time and that can make it hard when others think it's so amazing.

    I agree my worst critic is me and my memories of all the others who've criticesd me in the past. I don't know if all those past critics have taken away any ability I have to feel any achievement in what I've done? I think I'm a bit scared of success to be honest. Right from when I was little anything I did was either ignored, damned with faint praise or I had it taken away from me in some way, or just ruined. I found out just before I lost my singing voice that I had an operatic range and was acutally very very good, but I'd always been told I couldn't sing because I'd never had a singing lesson ans so would be bad at it and not be able to do it properly. I've had a lifetime of that sort of negativity, so I hide my light under a bushel before someone comes with a bucket or 3 of cold water to pour on it.

    I'm often not terribly good at finishing things, I tend to run out of steam about two thirds of the way through something. People telling me to set goals and targets dosen't help either, it just feels like insurmountable pressure that takes all the joy out of something.