According to an article in the Guardian, a feeling of relief at finishing a task instead of relishing your accomplishment could lead to depression and never feeling good enough. It can also lead to constantly upping the ante and never feeling good enough.
I was surprised by this, as I feel relief when I've finished a task and having it accepted with no fall out as having gotten away with it! I guess in some part thats due to imposter syndrome which I suffer with in so many areas, but I never have a sense of accomplishment or pride, even when my garden looks good, its because the plants have done thier thing, rather than it being down to me.
I've never been goal driven and my mind goes blank when people ask me to set one for myself, I've also never been aflicted with an ambition either, everything I've done I've either sort of fallen into, or its something I like the idea of and the opportunity has come up at the right time.
Whilst I used to enjoy the feedback from lecturers at uni, I was never success driven, I remember having quite a heated discussion about final grades, I said I didn't care if I got a 1st or a 3rd, because I was there to enjoy learning, she couldn't get her head around the idea, that it would probably freak me out if I got a 1st.
I don't think my sense of success, achievement or ambition is the same as anyone elses, nor are my reactions to having got away with it, its not about self esteem or pride, its about not being singled out for attention and remaining hidden in the background. I think I've got to a point in life now where I dont' feel the need of validation from the outside world, whether its' because I really don't need it, have got used to doing without it, I don't know, I do know that I don't know how to deal with compliments and am waiting for the axe to fall, the sarcasm to start and the general takedown and ridicule.
Does anyone understand this?
