• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 269 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Extreme Self Consciousness problems

John1973

Hi,

In the last couple of years or so I've become massively self conscious when I am face to face with people. I never used to have an issue with this but I've just become very aware of other people's and my body language, facial expressions and eye contact, and now I can't seem to concentrate at all on when I am face to face with someone. It's like a worm thats suddenly entered my head and I can't get rid of it again. 

I will be slightly trembling, sweating, and extremely tense, my facial muscles twitch or tense up.

What's really uspetting is that I can see the effect that this has on the other person. They look really uncomfortable, sometimes upset, and start to avoid looking at me, and eventually like my neighbours start avoiding me completely. I've been to a psychiatrist and hypnotist but neither has helped and both strongly suggest that I might be imagining the other people's reactions. I know I'm not though, I've had  enough good connections with people over the years to know when someone is comfortable with me or not.

I've tried doing more socialising but it's not helping, the more bad reactions that I receive the more "trauma" that's there for the next one I think.

If I have phone calls with the same people, I'm like a different person, jovial and chatty, so I'm sure my social skills are reasonable.

It feels like I need to see someone who can deal with a phobia, like say spiders, who can just reprogram my brain!

Does anyone else have this same issue or ideas on what I can do?

Thanks for any advice :)

Parents
  • John1973 said:
    Does anyone else have this same issue or ideas on what I can do?

    I've always blushed very easily and still do.

    It's held me back a lot in life especially with regard to relationships and jobs.

    I saw a CBT therapist years ago (long before my awareness of being autistic).

    The referral was for social anxiety.

    She did help me in a couple of ways by asking me to ask others a) whether they were aware of my blushing and b) did they perceive me as a socially anxious person.

    I asked one family member and a couple of friends who have known me for many years and their replies surprised me ie that I'm confident and although they know I blush sometimes, they weren't aware of it to the degree I am.

    Asking others how they perceive you can help you to reassess your own perceptions of yourself.

  • in reply to Debbie

    Thanks Debbie,I must admit the thought of asking other people is terrifying, particularly if I know them personally. I may be comfortable asking therapists.

  • in reply to John1973
    John1973 said:
    Thanks Debbie,I must admit the thought of asking other people is terrifying, particularly if I know them personally

    It was hard for me too because, inevitably, I was blushing whilst asking.

    However, their replies helped.

    I think that the worst thing is with people I don't know very well - I still blush with family and close friends but they are used to me and because it's a nervous response, I'm more relaxed, and probably blush less ferociously and for a shorter time.

    I once saw a doctor to ask for an operation where a nerve is cut to stop the blushing response but he said he didn't think I should do it - he blushed himself (in fact, we were blushing in unison) but he seemed more relaxed about it than me.

    I think that because we are autistic maybe 2 things in particular influence us:

    1.  Our communication differences make us already on edge in speaking to others and

    2.  I think that we feel things more deeply than allistics.  Many a time I've spoken to someone about something I've said in the past and apologised and they weren't even aware of what had occurred.

    When I was young I'd be looked at a lot and really hated it but nowadays, as I've aged and lost my looks, I've become one of the invisible older people, and that's possibly the only advantage!

    I also see people far less than I once did and have let old friends go as the interactions were so very stressful.

    I feel for you and wish you well with this.

Reply
  • in reply to John1973
    John1973 said:
    Thanks Debbie,I must admit the thought of asking other people is terrifying, particularly if I know them personally

    It was hard for me too because, inevitably, I was blushing whilst asking.

    However, their replies helped.

    I think that the worst thing is with people I don't know very well - I still blush with family and close friends but they are used to me and because it's a nervous response, I'm more relaxed, and probably blush less ferociously and for a shorter time.

    I once saw a doctor to ask for an operation where a nerve is cut to stop the blushing response but he said he didn't think I should do it - he blushed himself (in fact, we were blushing in unison) but he seemed more relaxed about it than me.

    I think that because we are autistic maybe 2 things in particular influence us:

    1.  Our communication differences make us already on edge in speaking to others and

    2.  I think that we feel things more deeply than allistics.  Many a time I've spoken to someone about something I've said in the past and apologised and they weren't even aware of what had occurred.

    When I was young I'd be looked at a lot and really hated it but nowadays, as I've aged and lost my looks, I've become one of the invisible older people, and that's possibly the only advantage!

    I also see people far less than I once did and have let old friends go as the interactions were so very stressful.

    I feel for you and wish you well with this.

Children
  • in reply to John1973
    John1973 said:
    I have hyperhyrdrosis (extreme hand sweating) and when I was about 30 I went to a doctor who said they could cut a nerve in my neck to prevent this happening.

    That's the same operation - it deals with both over sweating and blushing.

    John1973 said:
    I often receive nice attention but I blow it instantly because I'm so uncomfortable when I engage with them that they look horrified at my unease. It's quite soul destroying when that happens.

    That happened to me countless times too.

    I really very much liked a chap where I worked once and I know he wanted to ask me out but I'd go out of my way to avoid him because of the blushing - it was an opportunity I still feel sad about having missed.

    Regarding the tablet, I used to take beta blockers, GP prescribed, for meetings and job interviews.  The are quite effective but this was years ago and I had a helpful GP - I don't know if they'd still be prescribed for this.

    I was prescribed Paroxetine for depression and social anxiety and they help the panicking to a degree too.

    The only thing I will say is that I eventually settled down with someone who doesn't seem to even see the blushing and social anxiety but sees beyond it to the 'real' me and that's invaluable.

    Things can improve but it can take a long time.

  • in reply to Debbie

    That was interesting Debbie, when you said about cutting the vein it was very reminiscent of something that happened to me. I have hyperhyrdrosis (extreme hand sweating) and when I was about 30 I went to a doctor who said they could cut a nerve in my neck to prevent this happening. I was advised by almost everyone that this wasn't a good idea so like you I didn't do it.

    I totally agree with you on your 2 points. Unlike the stereotype of Aspies that we don't feel things, I think we feel some things less than average, but other things to huge excess.

    Regarding attention from the opposite sex, I seem to be more attractive now than when I was younger which has been surprising. I often receive nice attention but I blow it instantly because I'm so uncomfortable when I engage with them that they look horrified at my unease. It's quite soul destroying when that happens.

    I've also stopped seeing my more extrovert friends, they would often have other friends at their house which was just too much of an ordeal to go to see them. It's such a shame, wouldn't it be great to find a tablet that made you not care so much.