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17 year old son

Noodle73

So worried about my 17 year old son. He’s in year 13 but been physically out of school for 9 months. Hes doing c techs and working remotely. He's adamant he wants to go to uni and has offers.  he lives in his bedroom . Gets up at anywhere between 4pm and 10pm, eating one meal per day and is hardly interacting with us.  I also think he has PDA. He only has 2 units of coursework to do. He’s not engaging with it. He’s bright and gets distinctions when he does work. I’m at a loss to know how to help/ motivate him. Any words of advice? 

  • Welcome to the forum.

    You say he is adamant that he wants to go to uni & has had offers.  I take things very literally, when perhaps I should not - but this tells me you've seen no evidence of said offers.  Just an observation - don't feel obliged to answer.

    We cannot obviously diagnose or give medical opinion through this forum, but we can give anecdotal advice and signpost you based on our own experiences.  At 17 though, it is difficult to instil motivation into someone who simply doesn't see the need OR is perhaps putting things off in the sense of 'tomorrow never comes' 

    I'd ask him if you could speak to him sensibly about his future, in an un-pressured way, but this is dependent on whatever conversations have gone before.  You may get insight, but he may tell you things that he thinks you want to hear, rather than facts.  He may be masking, in effect. 

    I'd also present to him some options that he could access that if he is struggling (without inferring that he is - as to do so might invoke defensive tactics).  Possible counselling, therapy, even online, speaking with GP - social prescribing is a new thing.   Something may trigger some enthusiasm here - he may not tell you, but go ahead and do something anyway.  

    There's also this.  Getting up between 4-10pm isn't that unusual for a teenager.  I did it.  This isn't to downplay your concerns, but they don't regard the clock as important.   I also lived in my bedroom & probably still would given half a chance. 

    Best Wishes.