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It's becoming too much

hypercolius
  • My grandmother died on the 19th March. From pancreatic cancer. I saw a photo of what she looked like before she died. I won't ever be able to forget that. 
  • I have ASD, I possibly have ADHD too. And I most certainly have RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)
  • This January, I was bullied out of a university society. The loss of one person in particular was extremely upsetting. I always looked out for her, cared about her. When I found out about her health, I was trying to look after it as well- she had asthma. But she turned against me like everybody did, and she blocked me. 
  • I'm seeing my closest friend on the 31st March. She called me when I told her about my grandmother and afterwards was writing me the sweetest messages she had ever written to me. Checking up on me, asking me to call her if anything happened. I'm so scared she won't want to see me anymore. 
  • I don't know how I'm going to do the exams this year after all of this. 
  • I'm presenting my research in Newcastle in April. I'm really hoping to find a connection there with someone, but the mere thought fills me with dread. 
  • I'm beyond furious at my uncle. His negligence resulted in the death of my grandfather, his own father, in 2013 from stomach cancer. Me and my mother were telling him constantly to check my grandmother's health. He didn't listen. Then, my grandmother died. Pancreatic cancer. Which could have been detected early. 
Parents

  • I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I don't know if I can help, but I'll try by addressing each point you raised with my thoughts:

    Your Grandmother - this is very sad and it seems you have not been able to accept what happened - maybe you could try to get some counselling to help you come to terms with your loss? It may also help you to talk to a therapist about your feelings about your uncle.

    I also have ASD and RSD. I value my autistic identity - it's what makes me unique, and it's what makes you unique too. Rejection sensitivity can make life difficult, but I feel that it can also make us empathic - I feel that I can recognise people who struggle in a similar way and give them support because I understand them. I don't have ADHD but I know someone who does, and they are one of the nicest and most intelligent people I've ever known. We are all valuable.

    Bullying is awful and I've also experienced it. If it's still on going or causing you trauma you could think about talking to a counsellor at uni if you have one, otherwise the only thing I can think of is to avoid them and hang out with people who are more honest and straightforward - and stay off social media too.

    The plans to meet your close friend on 31 March is something very positive - try to concentrate on this and look forward to it. If she's been sending you sweet messages, there is no reason to think she won't want to see you any more.

    Have faith in yourself that you can do your exams and will be fine. Perhaps you could create a study & revision timetable and work on that as much as possible, to distract your mind from negative thoughts.

    If you are presenting research next month, you are obviously very intelligent and resourceful. There should be others there who will share your interests, which is always a good starting point for getting to know somebody. Try to think of this as a positive experience and an opportunity.

    I hope all goes well for you over the next month.

Reply

  • I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I don't know if I can help, but I'll try by addressing each point you raised with my thoughts:

    Your Grandmother - this is very sad and it seems you have not been able to accept what happened - maybe you could try to get some counselling to help you come to terms with your loss? It may also help you to talk to a therapist about your feelings about your uncle.

    I also have ASD and RSD. I value my autistic identity - it's what makes me unique, and it's what makes you unique too. Rejection sensitivity can make life difficult, but I feel that it can also make us empathic - I feel that I can recognise people who struggle in a similar way and give them support because I understand them. I don't have ADHD but I know someone who does, and they are one of the nicest and most intelligent people I've ever known. We are all valuable.

    Bullying is awful and I've also experienced it. If it's still on going or causing you trauma you could think about talking to a counsellor at uni if you have one, otherwise the only thing I can think of is to avoid them and hang out with people who are more honest and straightforward - and stay off social media too.

    The plans to meet your close friend on 31 March is something very positive - try to concentrate on this and look forward to it. If she's been sending you sweet messages, there is no reason to think she won't want to see you any more.

    Have faith in yourself that you can do your exams and will be fine. Perhaps you could create a study & revision timetable and work on that as much as possible, to distract your mind from negative thoughts.

    If you are presenting research next month, you are obviously very intelligent and resourceful. There should be others there who will share your interests, which is always a good starting point for getting to know somebody. Try to think of this as a positive experience and an opportunity.

    I hope all goes well for you over the next month.

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