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Feeling guilt

hanna36

Turning 30 this year. Was diagonosed at 8.

My whole life I've been unable to emotionally express myself to my family and have secluded myself, I got away with it as a kid but nowdays I'm feeling a crushing guilt over having isolated myself. All my siblings grew up and got married and have great social lives. I'm the odd one out who can barely talk to anyone due to anxiety and lack of social skills. It's not that I haven't tried, I have but I just always make things awkward so I stopped trying. 

I'm trying to reconnect with my family while they're dealing with loss, but I feel like I shut them out too long and they see me as someone unfeeling and non empathetic. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I've just never been able to express myself how I want to. I just want to be there for them and support them, instead of always being the one who needs supporting. I want to be helpful rather than the one who always needs help. 

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  • Hello Hanna, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

    Are you looking for advice on how to deal with your emotional connection / expression, connecting to your family or are you just looking to vent?

    It sometimes helps to clarify otherwise you may get loads of advice and it isn't what you are looking for.

    I too isolated myself from most of my family but found when I came back later in life to reconnect that they were open to it.

    For me it was getting a therapist who helped me with connecting to my emtions that helped tremendously. I can now sit in the cinema when watching a film with emotional scenes and sit there with tears running down my face and not feel ashamed. Before I would just bottle it all up and try to feel nothing.

    Going from that closed, defensive approach to being taught how to understand the feeling of the emotions, be able to identify them and feel them without fear or shame was challenging but I am really glad I have done it.

    Should you decide to do something similar I would strongly recommend getting a therapist who has a lot of experience in helping autists with similar issues as the neurotypical approach isn't likely to work in this sort of situaiton.

    Jusy my experience on a similar theme.

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  • Hello Hanna, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

    Are you looking for advice on how to deal with your emotional connection / expression, connecting to your family or are you just looking to vent?

    It sometimes helps to clarify otherwise you may get loads of advice and it isn't what you are looking for.

    I too isolated myself from most of my family but found when I came back later in life to reconnect that they were open to it.

    For me it was getting a therapist who helped me with connecting to my emtions that helped tremendously. I can now sit in the cinema when watching a film with emotional scenes and sit there with tears running down my face and not feel ashamed. Before I would just bottle it all up and try to feel nothing.

    Going from that closed, defensive approach to being taught how to understand the feeling of the emotions, be able to identify them and feel them without fear or shame was challenging but I am really glad I have done it.

    Should you decide to do something similar I would strongly recommend getting a therapist who has a lot of experience in helping autists with similar issues as the neurotypical approach isn't likely to work in this sort of situaiton.

    Jusy my experience on a similar theme.

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