Sadness

I’ve had the worst time mentally, this weekend. This is definitely a significantly extreme moment in my life. I’m a bit shocked at the desperate, hopeless state I’ve found myself in. I think what has contributed is lack of connection & relationships. The therapist said I have an insecure attachment style. I just cut people off, although I feel I have justifiable reasons. It still causes harm. Because of this something in me has changed. I feel very reluctant to have relationships/friendships because I can’t sustain them. I get so very overwhelmed by all social interactions. It’s afterwards I go over what has been said & what all of the micro expressions meant. If everything is ok. It causes me such mental torture…I seem to have decided the less I interact the better but I’m so lonely. This has left me feeling very sad and alone. I have cancelled everything this weekend and just sat with these feelings and cried a lot. I can’t currently think of anyone I would share these thoughts and feelings with. I know from experience that from this state of desperation can come contemplation and then positive change can happen. It is even more shocking to experience such extreme feelings & thoughts when externally nothing is “wrong”. There’s is so much I have & am to be grateful for. 

Glad you felt able to share your thoughts on here with us. I have had a tough weekend as well so you’re not alone. 

Just thought you might like to know people on here listen and I personally will spare you a thought.

Look after yourself 

Do you mind if I ask what’s contributed to your tough weekend?

Sounds like some good honest reflections there. 

My eldest is much better thank you but I was terrified to see him like that.
I was extremely uncomfortable last night, in fact my jaw was aching because I pretended to find things people were talking about as funny. Lots of awkward silences when I run out of words, then I get in a muddle because of self pressure to think of something to say. I didn’t belong there last night is my conclusion. I didn’t even say goodbye to anyone which is bothering me now but I did tell my family. Going over it I think I need to set my limit and stick to it before it gets messy. I don’t really drink alcohol either which makes me stand out to others which I dislike. 

Anyway that’s hopefully the end of socialising for a while, like I say I’m still learning to be better to myself. 

My eldest is much better thank you but I was terrified to see him like that.
I was extremely uncomfortable last night, in fact my jaw was aching because I pretended to find things people were talking about as funny. Lots of awkward silences when I run out of words, then I get in a muddle because of self pressure to think of something to say. I didn’t belong there last night is my conclusion. I didn’t even say goodbye to anyone which is bothering me now but I did tell my family. Going over it I think I need to set my limit and stick to it before it gets messy. I don’t really drink alcohol either which makes me stand out to others which I dislike. 

Anyway that’s hopefully the end of socialising for a while, like I say I’m still learning to be better to myself. 

Sounds like some good honest reflections there.