I feel so unwell mentally. I know this because of the thoughts I’m having. I feel like I’ve had enough & I’ve got no one I can talk to about it. No one knows because I mask it. There are so many thoughts & confusions flashing through my mind. Without someone to talk honestly with, I feel overwhelmed and like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what’s real or my autistic brain (which doesn’t make it not real)?! I’m not enjoying my relationships, they all end up causing me distress & confusion so I’ve cut most of them off & feel reluctant to have friendships. Talking to the therapist really helps but it’s £75 per session. It’s just so much money! I have become so disciplined to self-care because I’m desperate to be able to be stable & not become overwhelmed where I run from everything AGAIN. It is so hard to keep starting new jobs & friendships etc. I really like my new job but my head is so hard on me. Honestly I’ve had enough. I’ve got amazing adult children and I even struggle with them, after they’ve gone…knowing whether or not I communicated ok. My daughter is coming round tomorrow, how am I supposed to enjoy her company & not put on her or talk about myself too much. I’ve booked a piano lesson for tomorrow to try to enjoy something I can do alone but I’m nervous about the teacher & I know my mind will create all sorts of pressure. The new thought & feeling that has made me join here is that I have had enough.