• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 10 subscribers
  • Views 1672 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

I am Autistic not Stupid

WitchyPrincess06

Since my teenage years I've had many insecurities, but I think the one thing about myself which I'm most insecure about... is my intelligence. I really struggled academically at school and even after my diagnosis it was still difficult as I wasn't able to get extra support I needed. Of course I successfully graduated but I believe I only barely just passed with the grades I got. That is one of the reasons why I consider my high school some of the toughest years of my life so far. It wasn't all bad there were good moments but still it was rough. But there were subjects at school which I excelled at which were mainly, English and Art. I also thrived better in drama and performing as well as music, which is how we came to the realisation that I am what people call "Artistically intelligent". Though I do have a knack for history as well but everything I know about history I learned when I watched from 'Horrible Histories' growing up as it was one of my favourite programmes when I was younger, I actually learned more history from that than history taught at school which was to me was more difficult to follow than on tv.

Anyways, I started feeling insecure about my intelligence round about the time I started high school. There was one incident that sticks in my mind which I think maybe where it spawned from. I was given math homework and with math being my most hated subject of all time I usually had to ask my parents for help on some if not most of it. So, this particular night after what felt like forever, I finally finished but I decided to ask my dad to go over it to make sure I done it right. But when he then quizzed me on a particularly hard question and I gave what I thought was the answer, out of no where he then shouted me in a really annoyed tone saying not only was I wrong but that apparently that he confused at how I could get it wrong when it was a supposedly easy question. I can't remember whether he apologised to me for that or not, but I just remember how hurt I felt in that moment, like I was really stupid. Even after I was given my diagnosis there had been times where my parents would get annoyed and frustrated with me whenever I didn't understand a seemingly "easy" question or when took an instruction too literal. Luckily incidents like that don't really happen as much anymore but there are times where I feel like my intelligence or 'lack of intelligence' is laughed at and mocked. Like for instance what really makes me angry and upset is when I happen to say an interesting fact about something we were talking about and they sometimes laugh/snicker and they've now started saying I have 'moments' which they now refer to as "(my name)isms"... like what is that supposed to mean?!

Now I'd like to point out that I'm not trying to "villainize" my parents as they are good people, I think there's certain aspects of my autism which even now they struggle to understand. Plus I don't think they do or say these things to intentionally hurt my feelings but I does as these moments have now left me questioning my own intelligence. I do have to keep reminding that I am smart in my own way, I do have special knowledge of certain things which I guess you can call my special interests... but it just doesn't help when my parents sometimes calls my little facts "useless information". I guess I'm writing this as I feel terrible as I finally snapped at my parents for it earlier and I feel bad and will defo try apologise when i've calmed down Sleepy

What do you think?

Am I overreacting?

Am I being too sensitive?

Has anybody else been though this or is it just me?

  • I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded and even those brave enough to share their own experiences, it really has somewhat put my mind at ease. So a little update, I spoke my mother about how I was feeling (as she's slightly more patient and understanding at times) and she did listen and she did apologise for unintentionally upsetting me

  • I agree with a lot of what has already been written here, I think its quite common to not excel at everything and maybe its more pronounced I guess with ourselves. I know I was a slow starter myself and was often criticised for having poor handwriting, rubbish at maths, although I was better than most at reading and really excelled at drawing stuff, dinosaurs being my pet subject. This changed as a got older and started to improve especially in more written type of subjects like history, english, geography etc. I have never enjoyed sciences with maybe the exception of chemistry and detested maths. Also particularly bad at things to do with my hands like needlework...I got absolutely slammed at these lessons by the teacher as I couldn't thread up the sewing machine and was criticised and belittled every lesson which was not much fun. Similiar experiences in other craft like subjects and music.

    Its hard not to take criticism to heart I know, now being in my 50's then I still remember when I was in my view unfairly criticised/treated.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I have dyscalculia so share your math issues. I have to laugh as trying to order anything online that requires measurements ends up in a mess. I thought I had ordered a meter of wire and just one short length was delivered!

  • It's definately not just you, I was always terrible at maths and science and not much better at English either, I was always being told I was stupid and my school reports always said 'could do better'. I was punished by my parents for not being any good at maths, not that they were any better. If it's any consolation I went to uni at the age of 42 and got a degree in medieval history, nobody pushed me into this, it was what I wanted to do. It's OK not to be good at things, I've posted on other sites about my inability with maths and have had the thread taken over by guys who are talking about maths at a level way over my head, which made me feel even worse, but lots of people are really bad at maths, especially in the UK, I think it's probably the way it's taught?

  • Hi, I feel your story and the “name-isms” and laughing at me etc. all that I know very well. And I also feel inferior. You are not stupid. You are unique your own way, like all of us here. This is sad, that you didn’t get help you needed. I didn’t either. Now here we are to support each other and share our stories. Thank you for sharing. 
    It’s common in autistic people to have a spikey skill set and be gifted in some areas and struggle much more than average in other areas. I’m my case algebra and physics, using formulas and abstract concepts were a nightmare, while geometry, geography, everything that can be pictured was easy. Art, languages were also my strengths. I passed some subjects with low notes although I worked really hard and spent a lot of time on it and also got mocked by my family.

  • Herge makes a good point. It's not an intelligence thing, we're all different have strengths in different ways. What one person finds easy others can find challenging. Easy to focus on the negatives but try to focus on other things, things you excel in. Anxiety is horrible, negative thoughts are horrible and the self doubt can be a struggle. When you get those thoughts and that self doubt remind yourself it's wrong.

    At school I was slow and lagged way behind the class. Through most of my time at school I thought I was stupid and inferior, I hated that I was behind everybody else and my high school classmates were always there to remind me of the fact. But after school I found I was good at dance. I can watch others dance and almost mirror what I see. I did this nightly watching it on the tv for a long time and have since become a dance teacher.

    We're not stupid. We are different and good at different things.

    Your title says it all - you're autistic NOT stupid.

  • I can relate, I have dysgraphia so my writing is awful and my spelling isn't much better. I also find it difficult to visualise things in my mind. It destroys your self confidence. My saving grace is that I have great recall (or did anyway). It's not a lack of intelligence it's a different way of thinking and sometimes you have to work around and come at a problem from different perspective. Just because you do things differently, it doesn't make it wrong.

    I've come almost full circle, early in my school career I was initially thought to be "a bit slow" and now in my working life I'm considered knowledgeable and problem solving.

     I think self acceptance has to come first and it's really hard, educating others or developing really thick skin isn't much easier.