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Relationship- need support

hypercolius

So a few times I wrote about a girl I was trying to have a relationship with. 

Today, she went down to support me during a presentation I gave in Parliament. Her train arrived late, she still met me and we spent a lovely day together. She was extremely supportive and encouraging today and really helped me make it through the event. 

We had a lovely, nice time together. I took her to the station, where I gave her the items I was handed during the presentation as a presenter. She liked it, but then she told me that she just wanted to remain close friends and that she didn't want to cause any misunderstanding or get my hopes up. 

I of course was upset, and she noticed it. She began apologising, saying she ruined my day and that she was sorry. She said she was really trying to be in a relationship with me, but never felt that way about anyone. She also said I'm the best person she ever met, and if she was interested, she'd be with me, but just wanted to stay friends. She repeated being sorry and ruining my day a few times, and I assured her that she didn't. 

Later on, she messaged me thanking me for what I wrote her (I told her not to be upset and that I still wanted to be close to her) and said she really wanted to remain close friends. We then continued planning Saturday- I asked her if she still wanted to attend and she said yes. We wanted to go ice-skating. 

Before this, we were planning things like walks in a forest and going to the Lake District. I'm afraid of losing all of that- and her- now. Even if she said she wanted to be close to me and began repeatedly saying how amazing my presentation was. 

I'm just really upset as I feel I'll never be in a relationship now. She looked physically and was mentally as if she was taken straight out of my dreams, I felt we had a connection, and I'm nervous I'm about to lose her completely despite her assurances. 

  • in reply to hypercolius

    That's great - have a lovely time on Saturday!

  • in reply to Lotus

    I really hope so. I'm really scared she won't want to meet with me anymore. 

    She is coming to visit on Saturday though- and that's what I want to keep. If anything, she got even more enthusiastic and lovely ever since I assured her I still valued her and wanted to be close friends. She never wrote me like that before, and that's all I want to keep. 

    If I ever meet anyone who wants to be a couple with me, I'll always tell the person I'm talking about 'You're still the best'

  • in reply to Take5

    I really don't mind. I was just scared she wouldn't want to meet anymore. 

    Of course, I was upset- she was so amazing and unlike anyone I've met. But I just want to be close to her and just do what we've been planning before she told me, and act like it never happened and I just want to be close, whatever form she wants that to take. 

    I already told her I respected her thoughts and just wanted to be close. She got extremely thankful afterwards, at one point writing me a huge paragraph of praise and gratitude when I told her she didn't ruin my day. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Of course, I accepted it. I assured her I still wanted to be close to her because she was saying she 'ruined my day'. 

    If anything, she has started writing me with even more enthusiasm now. Previously, she appeared to whisper 'Do you still want to talk to me?' when telling me. A couple of hours later, we were discussing what route she'd take to my city via text and she was laughing about something I told her. 

    I'd never squander that. The only thing I was truly afraid of is that she would no longer want to meet up anymore. But, we're still seeing each other on Saturday, though. 

  • It’s a compliment to you that she is being so honest and open with you about this. You DO have a connection - it’s just not exactly the kind of connection you hoped for. The only thing you can do is to respect what she is telling you and accept that she can only offer you friendship at this point in time. A true friendship is a very precious thing and I think it would be a shame to squander that because you want more. You might meet someone else who does want a romantic relationship with you in time - but in the meantime value and invest in this lovely friendship that you are currently lucky enough to have. She sounds great. 

  • I remember reading your other posts hypercolius 

    I am sorry it hasn’t worked out exactly as you would have liked but it seems like she has gone to some effort to meet you today to support you. I don’t want to give you false hope or bad advice but could it be possible that the thought of a relationship is too much for her at this moment in time? I would say you do both have a connection albeit a friendship at this point and hopefully you can continue to see each other and enjoy some time together. It maybe as she said a friendship but who knows what can happen. It’s not easy to hear but time will tell.

    Stick with it and enjoy your time together. 

    I wish you all the best 

  • Glad to hear you had a nice day, and sorry to hear that you are worried about this relationship.

    I've been with my partner for over 40 years, and although we're married the main thing that has kept us together is that we're best friends. 

    It sounds like you connect with each other, support each other and enjoy each other's company. That is precious - not everyone gets to meet someone they can have that with. Focus on enjoying having her as your best friend and hopefully it will eventually grow into a long term relationship.

    I wish you both well.