Hi I have autism and I’m feeling stressed. Hope it’s OK to vent here quickly.
((context)) Last year in December I was scouting through different jobs. I don’t believe in autistic labels because though I’m considered low functioning some days I can be high functioning, that’s been my experience no days are the same, it all depends how stressed I am. That said I didn’t want to apply for any old job I know for example working in a shop would be too much so I was keeping a look out for anything that screamed out autistic friendly environment. I loved the idea of working with children, there were plenty of jobs related to that dream but I suffer emetophobia and know such a job would cause me too stress and I already get enough anxiety without adding anymore to my anxious filled life. After a lot of looking and not a lot of luck I saw a personal assistant job, scrolled through that and it sounded ideal. You’ll be working in a small busy office team. Good command of the English language, phone skills and good social skills required. I applied, I sent a covering letter explaining about my autism and how I will do the job to the best of my abilities.
And I heard nothing. I was a little crushed as I liked the sound of that job. I’m good at typing I can write at about 106 words per minute according to the online writing speed tests I’ve done. I thought they had chosen someone else and that was probably just as well; my phone and social skills are pretty bad. But then on February 4th this month which coincidentally was my birthday I had a phone call from Laura who works in the business I applied to asked if I had time for a quick chat. I said yes and we chatted, she asked a bit about me and then explained about the business and what they do, leaving it that she would be in touch. On Monday I received an email asking if I will go in for a trial afternoon on the 21st Feb – today – from midday to 5:30pm. Straight away I replied saying thank you and agreeing to today. Today has come as it was always going to and now I feel sick. Anxiety has triggered and I’m getting all the usual suspects nausea, cramps, dizziness, headache and for some reason really thirsty. It would be so easy to call up and ask to cancel today but this is my first ever job trial day, I haven’t worked before and I’m nearly thirty!
I feel like today is now or never. I might not get another chance at working like this, and if I do my anxiety might be worse next time, or an opportunity like this might not be around in the future. I think it’s unique too that I said about my autism and they went straight ahead and offered me this. In the past I never got replies with other jobs. I’ve already semi-prepared for this afternoon. I bought a really nice pencil dress in navy blue for this afternoon so I look smart without going OTT and I have bought some pens and pencils, a notebook and shamefully a book on how to interact with people lmao.
I just want to make a good impression but the anxiety is gripping tightly and making it all feel horrible.
Don’t know what to do for the best.