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Experienced a lack of understanding of my autism again

Cre8tiveDaniel

Hello everyone.

I have been feeling down this evening. 

Mid-conversation, a mental health helpline worker asked me to guide him on how he could best support me and my next concern. To help him understand how to support me best, I shared that I am autistic and that this impacts my communication. Despite my explicit disclosure, the volunteer responded by focusing on my perceived strengths. I know that I am not alone in my struggle, as it is a common experience among many autistic individuals. I am also aware that I have strengths.

While the intention might have been positive, it completely missed the point. I was not seeking validation of my strengths, which I already recognised. I was trying to articulate the very real struggles I encountered. The helpline worker’s response felt dismissive and invalidated my experience. It reinforced past experiences of being reminded about my strengths. It is as if my struggles were being minimised or erased because I possess other competencies. It shut down the conversation I tried to have about my difficulties.

I left the chat feeling worse than I felt.

I only want to talk about my feelings and feel validated. I am not looking for any solutions.

Parents
  • Cre8tiveDaniel said:
    While the intention might have been positive, it completely missed the point.

    This was part of a tactic to try to change your direction of thought from the negatives to the positives as it has a marked influence on mood and has the potential to make you feel better.

    The challenge is that sometimes we don't want to feel good - sometimes we just want to feel heard which is your situation.

    The helpline worker was following his scripr trying the "fix" the problem and leave you feeling better so it sometimes pay in this sort of situaiton to be blunt and tell him exactly what you want.

    Sometimes doing this actually makes us realise we are being miserable and can give you pause to reconsider if it is healthy or if you want to carry on in that vein.

    If you are able to identify this mood it may be better calling a different sort of helpline like the Samaritans to find someone trained to listen to you.

    Better still, if your budget allows consider a psychotherapist with experience with your areas of need and they will work with you in the way you direct them, but can also give "solutions" or ways to improve things when you are in a receptive frame of mind.

    Sorry this was a rubbish experience for you.

  • in reply to Iain

      Hello. At the beginning of the chat, I told the volunteer that I wanted to talk about my feelings and feel validated.

    I know he meant well, but his approach made me feel dismissed, regardless of his positive intent. I shared with him that I thought my experience was dismissed and invalidated.

    I appreciate you trying to get me to consider what the helpline worker was likely trying to do to help me feel better. However, it feels like the helpline worker’s perspective is being prioritised over my own, making me feel unsupported and invalidated. The focus is mostly on his intention rather than his words' impact on me. It is unlikely that was your intention, but I feel the way I do.

    Thank you for your support, but I was not seeking solutions. I just wanted a space to share my experience and feel validated.

Reply
  • in reply to Iain

      Hello. At the beginning of the chat, I told the volunteer that I wanted to talk about my feelings and feel validated.

    I know he meant well, but his approach made me feel dismissed, regardless of his positive intent. I shared with him that I thought my experience was dismissed and invalidated.

    I appreciate you trying to get me to consider what the helpline worker was likely trying to do to help me feel better. However, it feels like the helpline worker’s perspective is being prioritised over my own, making me feel unsupported and invalidated. The focus is mostly on his intention rather than his words' impact on me. It is unlikely that was your intention, but I feel the way I do.

    Thank you for your support, but I was not seeking solutions. I just wanted a space to share my experience and feel validated.

Children
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