Monthly burnout

Hi Lisa-Jayne 

I am sad that your son is experiencing these upsetting experiences and I can only imagine how distressing it is for you too.  I think I have an idea of how much finding an answer and more importantly a solution to what is happening means.

My answer is of course that of an interested amateur in this matter and please consider it in that respect. 

Having just read Iain response I think there is wisdom in their response.

From what I understand of burnout (if that is what it is) it is a complex reaction to stressors and is normally closely linked to the individual and their experiences.  

A clear cyclic pattern of similar symptoms could perhaps be linked with menstruation maybe however this is your son so...

Perhaps it may be more indicative of what may be triggering it in terms of something that is building up but is relieved by being absent from society for a week?

As has been mentioned further professional support and investigations?

Having been involved with the mental health crisis team I would imagine that your son may have some links till open to that via them?

Is there a support team at the college that may be involved?

As he is older than 18 and (if he is in the UK at least) he is generally responsible for making his own medical decisions unless lacking capacity under a legal framework.  This I figure adds an extra level of complexity to working on the problem as he is the one that will need to do the communication about the issue to get further help on it.  I believe that it may be possible for you to act as an advocate for him in discussions with medical professionals if he gives verbal or written consent to this (obviously without duress).

I imagine that there may be some complicated social communication involved and ongoing between you and he about this and, believe me, that part of my own autistic nature leads me to think I am not the right person to advise about that.

Nevertheless, communication about what's going on and to the right person seems to be a key to this.

Helping your son identify and be empowered to emerge from the cycle is the goal it seems.

I wish you and your family all the best and, at the risk of being patronising, well done for caring and doing the best you are able.  It's not easy but it's worth it.

Many thanks for the reply Phased, yes very distressing to see him struggling so much, he is such a lovely young man and has so much potential but worryingly cant see  a future with this happening every month.

Yes you are right about it been cyclic and I suppose at 18 his hormones are surging, there may be a link with that, possibly.

I have self referred to the learning disability team in the hope they can help him manage the build up of anxiety/stress, I think he manages, pretends, conforms for so long that his body/mind checks out for a rest, how strange.

I’m hoping to find someone who may have experienced something similar which even just for a worried mum would help immensely.

Bless you for been so kind, I also wish you and your family all the best, have a great day.

Lisa

Thank you for your blessings Lisa-Jayne 

I recall being 18, unknown to me being autistic and at college.  Retrospectively I perhaps went into a similar dip.  Negotiating changing circumstances is tricky for a lot of autistic people.  In my case i went through it as if it was a bit of a nightmare.  At the time I was fortunate enough to be taken under the wing of a couple of older friends and started working for them.  I returned to my education in a few years time and picked up further qualifications and a profession later on.  Financially this was perhaps better supported back then so perhaps easier than now.  However the insight into autism personally and socially was not present as it possibly may be now.  (I'm only recently diagnosed - age 58 and I'm now 60.)  Some support and engagement with role models may benefit.

Personal development, if it may be called that, progresses at different rates for different people.  It depends upon the possibility of learning from experience.  How this is supported and how challenges are faced, overcome, moved around or removed.  Sadly it is unlikely that society will remove the challenges that it presents for autistic people will be removed based upon simple statistics.

Retrospectively many of the difficulties I experienced related to a delay in practical independence in understanding how to engage with steering my own destiny at that stage.  The subconscious insight into how to engage with society proactively being at a delay in comparison with many people of my own age.  This seems to be an issue with autism.

Unfortunately many of the expectations and social messages about capability and behaviour young autistic people are absorbed in relation to "able" individuals.  Tricky if you're a great swimmer but you rate your capability against how good you are running against better runners than you.  Finding something to be good at and develop self-confidence from helps.  Importantly he needs to be able to tell himself he is good.

Accepting that one is disabled (at least in terms of how much of society appears to be) is a bitter pill to swallow.

It appears to me that many autistic people understand one another better than "neurotypical" people and can share insights, tips and skills.  Getting involved with other autistic people (ideally with a decent guide/supervision) may be another idea?  Perhaps there is a group locally?

Finding a way of enhancing confidence may be useful.  In my case I spent several years in martial arts and physical challenges from 18 onward.  Might be a balance to resolve the bed-bound thing.

Anyway I reckon your lovely young man has the potential for a very bright future.  Not inclined to lying I know this to be true one way or another.  We are after all made from star dust and what we are will be once again.

All the best. -/\- :-)

Thank you for your blessings Lisa-Jayne 

I recall being 18, unknown to me being autistic and at college.  Retrospectively I perhaps went into a similar dip.  Negotiating changing circumstances is tricky for a lot of autistic people.  In my case i went through it as if it was a bit of a nightmare.  At the time I was fortunate enough to be taken under the wing of a couple of older friends and started working for them.  I returned to my education in a few years time and picked up further qualifications and a profession later on.  Financially this was perhaps better supported back then so perhaps easier than now.  However the insight into autism personally and socially was not present as it possibly may be now.  (I'm only recently diagnosed - age 58 and I'm now 60.)  Some support and engagement with role models may benefit.

Personal development, if it may be called that, progresses at different rates for different people.  It depends upon the possibility of learning from experience.  How this is supported and how challenges are faced, overcome, moved around or removed.  Sadly it is unlikely that society will remove the challenges that it presents for autistic people will be removed based upon simple statistics.

Retrospectively many of the difficulties I experienced related to a delay in practical independence in understanding how to engage with steering my own destiny at that stage.  The subconscious insight into how to engage with society proactively being at a delay in comparison with many people of my own age.  This seems to be an issue with autism.

Unfortunately many of the expectations and social messages about capability and behaviour young autistic people are absorbed in relation to "able" individuals.  Tricky if you're a great swimmer but you rate your capability against how good you are running against better runners than you.  Finding something to be good at and develop self-confidence from helps.  Importantly he needs to be able to tell himself he is good.

Accepting that one is disabled (at least in terms of how much of society appears to be) is a bitter pill to swallow.

It appears to me that many autistic people understand one another better than "neurotypical" people and can share insights, tips and skills.  Getting involved with other autistic people (ideally with a decent guide/supervision) may be another idea?  Perhaps there is a group locally?

Finding a way of enhancing confidence may be useful.  In my case I spent several years in martial arts and physical challenges from 18 onward.  Might be a balance to resolve the bed-bound thing.

Anyway I reckon your lovely young man has the potential for a very bright future.  Not inclined to lying I know this to be true one way or another.  We are after all made from star dust and what we are will be once again.

All the best. -/\- :-)

Indeed, thanks - you too :-)

Great, I will take a look and wow diagnosed at 58, I imagine you have re evaluated many of your life experiences, I hope this has helped you make sense of what sometimes seems/seemed such a struggle.

You have given me some great advice/tips, he would certainly benefit from speaking with other  young adults on the spectrum, I may see if he wants to set his own account up on here, possibly he will chat more/ask questions when mum isn’t in the driving seat so to speak.

Have a nice evening.

Many thanks Iain, I will take a look

This book is quite a good starting point to look at the different aspects of Autism in an easy to access way:

Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)
ISBN 0764525476

It is a little old now but still covers all the basics.

PS if he hasn't already I suggest he might enjoy watching "Astrid murder in Paris" (French with subtitles) and the English version "Patience" on channel 4  and available to stream - helped me to gain better insight into autism :-)