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PDA

TheCatWoman

I get why this is an issue, having been on the recieving end of it at times, it's extremely annoying and often feels manipulative. But, when does needing time to think about something become PDA? Is this becoming another stick to beat ASC people with? There are quite a few things that I want time to think about, to gestate an idea, I don't want to be bounced into something, because of anothers impatience, or because they're at the other end of PDA and are of the "no sooner done than thought about" type.

The more I read about PDA the more it seems that NT's are using this as a way of bullying people into doing things they don't want to, haven't had time to think about and are generally unsure of, all in the name of needing a descision. Often it seems that naming someone as having PDA, means that the impatient NT gets to have thier way, by negating the wishes of ASC people, as far as I can see they only people who benefit from this are NT bullies. Another tactic I've noticed is asking the same question over and over again, in the hope that you will give the "right answer" which is to agree with them.

So is this really that big a problem, or is it being overblown and turned into a stick to beat people with?

Parents

  • I've looked at this a little, as I'm not sure if it's me.
    I've always wanted to know the why to something. I didn't get in trouble that often at school but when I did it was usually because I wanted to know why we were doing something and I didn't like reasons like 'because I said so', 'you don't need to know why', 'it's for your own good', 'you'll understand one day'.... all that baloney. 

    Likewise in several different jobs I've said to people 'you say jump, I say why' unless I can see a barrel hurtling towards me you need to explain this to me, one manager once told me 'ah but the barrel might be behind you, I can see it and you can't' - this was a good point, but then you need to earn my trust enough that I believe you and we can jump together.

    I think quite often people either don't know the why like you said, are just taking the easy option going along with something or don't want the hassle.  For sure there probably is some avoidance which could be deemed 'problematic', but in general I think the Pathological Reason Avoidance many NT people demonstrate is more of an issue!

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  • I've looked at this a little, as I'm not sure if it's me.
    I've always wanted to know the why to something. I didn't get in trouble that often at school but when I did it was usually because I wanted to know why we were doing something and I didn't like reasons like 'because I said so', 'you don't need to know why', 'it's for your own good', 'you'll understand one day'.... all that baloney. 

    Likewise in several different jobs I've said to people 'you say jump, I say why' unless I can see a barrel hurtling towards me you need to explain this to me, one manager once told me 'ah but the barrel might be behind you, I can see it and you can't' - this was a good point, but then you need to earn my trust enough that I believe you and we can jump together.

    I think quite often people either don't know the why like you said, are just taking the easy option going along with something or don't want the hassle.  For sure there probably is some avoidance which could be deemed 'problematic', but in general I think the Pathological Reason Avoidance many NT people demonstrate is more of an issue!

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