Once upon a time...
I had a friend with whom I shared a house. I had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed bipolar. She was fine and we stayed friends.
Then she had a psychotic break and was hospitalised for a short time. I was sympathetic and recommended mental health services and shared my experiences, she wasn't interested and/or didn't want to accept she had problems. Dunno. I dropped it.
She was fine until psychosis #2. This time it disturbed the household and no-one was prepared to carry on with her in the house due to her aggression and paranoia. I ended up "dealing with it", talked to her, paid her bond out early, made sure she had a family member to stay with, helped with the move etc. Pretty b1oody awful but I helped best I could.
She dropped off the face of the earth and didn't surface again until being committed to mental health residential after a suicide attempt. Apparently she fell out with family and was homeless for months. Drugs and prostitution etc. very bad.
I visited her and we had a laugh. Reminiscing about old times and sneaking her out to the pub. She got a hostel place, then a bedsit.
I kept meeting her and having food and chats and generally good fun. I virtually always pay for times out because I can work and she can't, but it's a thing I never mention or draw attention to. It's just me that goes to the bar or orders food, no fuss, no conversation about it.
I've recently had another mental health breakdown and am currently signed off work. She is struggling after being found fit for work. Apparently "they've" given her a "borderline personality disorder" diagnosis over her primary diagnosis of schizophrenia.
I didn't think she had ever exhibited borderline characteristics before (I have other friends with that diagnosis), but now I'm not sure.
Met up with her and she was very rude and aggressive, told me repeatedly that I didn't "understand what her life was like". I'd never pretended to know what her life was like or offered advice or opinions to suggest that I thought I did.
I tried to be placatory and asked her some questions about her health, mental health and how she was. She was dismissive and began texting people. Then she suddenly asked about my health and I told her some stuff including that I'd been diagnosed autistic.
She immediately said her mental health coordinator had told her she was likely autistic too. I asked about screening tests and waiting lists but she didn't seem to know what I meant. Doesn't mean she made it up, but it made me wonder...
I know borderline is a dangerous diagnosis in that it makes people suspicious that they're manipulative, trying it on, lying etc. I know the person I originally knew wasn't like that. I don't know if you can develop a personality disorder due to adult trauma (which she's definitely had).
I've been taken advantage of before in an abusive relationship and don't want to "fall for it" again. Equally I like my friend and don't want to abandon her just because her mental health travails have changed her. I also don't want to buy into the "borderline people are manipulative and not to be trusted" mentality.
... but I don't want to pursue a toxic friendship from nostalgia for a person who no longer exists.
Not sure what to do :/
