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Help with anger from son age 9

Nicola1989

Hi there first time posting. Not sure what to write but I had to find ways of reaching out for support as I’m struggling so much with my son. He’s turning 9 this month and has ASD. His anger is getting out of control. Every single day we are being verbally abused and most days physically abused. My husband and I are at total breaking point and has effected our whole family dynamic. We have spoke to teachers at school but don’t know what else to do 

  • I doubt that teachers have the knowledge, experience and expertise to help.......but as you rightly say.....it sounds like you really do need help for your son.  Until that can be found, PLEASE do not loose sight of the relationship with your husband too.......perhaps if you can both find a way to keep that strong enough......then when the help arrives, you will all (three of you) be in the best possible position to make good use of it?!

    Nine year olds grown up to be bigger, stronger and more able in their intent.  I have always considered "physical abuse" to be the Rubicon that is NEVER acceptable, under any circumstances, to cross. 

    Whatever it takes, I hope you can find meaningful support for the three of you (or more,) but if there are 2/3rds of that dynamic that can find a way to stay strong.....the 1/3rd has a better chance of being supported in the longer term.

    I wish you all well.

  • Welcome to the community.

    Nicola1989 said:
    Every single day we are being verbally abused and most days physically abused.

    In addition to the link provided previously, you might also find these resources helpful:

    NAS - Distressed behaviour

    The Challenging Behaviour Foundation

    You might also like to seek emotional support from other parents who are in a similar situation, via the NAS's parent-to-parent helpline:

    NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline

  • Hi Nicola1989,

    Thank you for posting to the community. I am sorry to hear you are struggling with yours son's behaviour. 

    The NAS website has advice and guidance on anger management which may be useful to you: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/anger-management

    I hope this helps. 

    Gina Mod

  • Hello there, he sounds very similar to my stepson who is also 9, he’s been to many mainstream schools over his short life time already and it’s about finding the right support and environment for you and your family. The aggression and violence is not my stepsons fault as the emotional side of the brain can block the logical side completely, he has ASD with PDA traits. The PDA side is quite new to the autism spectrum and not fully understood or fully recognised country wide. With my stepson I must ask him questions and give him choices so that he feels in control, if he feels it’s an order it can make him literally panic and that’s the main feature here; fear. This aggressive reaction can come from anything he loses control from including when he’s playing computer games.  Obviously seek professional advice and help from Doctors!