I am feeling trapped at the minute.
Thought if I put down how I feel here, I may be able to process.
I know how I would advise others.
Encourage them to seek support.
Yet I remain stuck.
When I allow myself to feel, I am tearful.
I don't want to be around anyone, even myself.
I just want to go to bed, feel calm and safe.
I can't do this as I live with my dad.
He doesn't know but wouldn't understand how I am feeling.
My mask has allowed me to not feel and just get on with things.
My mask is slipping and cracks are starting to show.
I have no interest or motivation to leave the house.
I will go back to work next week, I can't be off sick.
I can't be at home as that will mean admitting I am not okay.
I can't miss work as my absence is being monitored.
I don't know if this is depression or overwhelm from suspected autism.
I am on antidepressants, have been for 15 years.
They don't seem to help much.
I don't want to do anything.
I just want to hide away.
This feeling never seems to go away.
