• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 1078 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Recently diagnosed but uninterested teenager

Clairey73

Recently diagnosed 16 year old who was very happy to have an assessment (as he thought he might be able to have a laptop in the classroom) but now doesnt want to talk about it at all. I hoped it would be a relief for him but he is not interested in hearing about any of it. Is it ok for me to just leave it alone? He has lots of autistic friends at school some more obvious than others but I worry that it isnt the breakthrough that it is for lots of people.

Will it come with time? Thank you so much for reading

  • in reply to Clairey73

    I was imagining a run-of-the-mill secondary school. If there are a considerable number of autistics at your son's school who he interacts with on a daily basis, it may be that your son regards his autism as entirely unremarkable.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you, Its not that I have a problem accepting it I just hoped he would find it a relief and wondered if it would come. During the assessment he didn't even understand that he was diagnosed that day and believed he was still waiting for a diagnosis so i had to tell him myself. He just seems switched off from it all.

  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks Martin. I am probably over worrying! I am doing so much research (that is helping me process myself and my husbands brains, and my own dad who must have been autistic but masked the feelings with alcohol) and I guess I just really want him to have an "aha" moment too. He didn't even realise he had autism confirmed during the assessment and it is this complete lack of self interest that concerns me. Half of his friends have it as it is that type of school that it attracts. I love his friends and they would all be super supportive so I am not convinced it is the fitting in that concerns him. 

  • As I understand it, he was happy to have the assessment, has lots of autistic friends, and can now get support at school if he needs it. Why do you think he needs to talk about it? 

    It could be that he already knew he was autistic, and he hasn't changed - he's still the same person he always was, so it's just a label to help him get support. not a "breakthrough" . Sometimes the family of the autistic person may have more problems accepting their relative's diagnosis than the individual being diagnosed.

    As long as he seems ok, I wouldn't worry about him.

  • For teenagers, being seen to 'fit in' with peers and at school is all important, being 'odd' is to be avoided at all costs. It may eventually dawn on him that accessing accommodations is useful, especially at college or university. However, I do not think that his not owning his autistic identity is a particular problem at present. If he were suffering from specific problems, like being bullied, not being able to form friendships or frequent shutdowns or meltdowns it might be problematic.

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    You might find it helpful to read these articles, which discuss the conflicting emotions that we can feel after receiving a confirmed diagnosis. Although it might seem that it should all be positive, it can be a very confusing and upsetting time.

    For me (just for example), although relief certainly formed a large part of my immediate reaction, this was rapidly followed by a whole bunch of other emotions, including due to realising that my diagnosis marked the beginning of a new journey rather than an end point that came with ready-made solutions for my difficulties.

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

    NAS - Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis

    You might also find this one helpful yourself:

    NAS - Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis