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Obstructive Sleep Apnoea, and Nightmares

Oran G. Utan

Today I recieved a letter confirming my diagnosis for OSA... a whole year after I first visited the doctor to talk about the problem. I've been put on a trial list for some equipment for it. But... to be honest... I'm sort of dreading going ahead with it. I have very atypical feelings about sleep. Maybe here, though, there's someone who might recognise my feelings.

When I was in college, there was a period of my life of a few years where I would experience nightmares almost every single night. So common were they that I'd become enured to them, and could even derive some enjoyment from them in the aftermath. My imagination is very adept at the macabre, even creating monsters I've never seen before. A venemous hermit crab wearing the skull of a dragon, for instance. Nightmares had become so normalised to be, that when that period of my life passed and they became more infrequent, I started to miss them.

I know going through this treatment would ultimately be to my benefit. But I've learned to cope with the difficulties of bad sleep for so long, that it's become part of who I am. The thought of changing that is daunting, to say the very least.

  • in reply to Iain

    Well, with nightmares, your priorities become very simple. Don't let the monster get you. There's an appeal to having all your problems consolidated into one singificant threat.

    There is also the creative aspect. My dreaming mind can paint a more vivid picture than my waking one. I have a degree of Aphantasia that isn't as much of a problem in my dreams.

    Yeah there's definitely a thrill aspect to it. I have had some dreams that are more like instense thrillers than nightmares, so I do make that distinction. What I call a nightmare is a dream where the threat of death or suffering is on the line. It's very rare for me to have a dream that doesn't have those qualities, though. I don't really experience positive feelings from positive experiences, so surviving a nightmare doesn't give me any feeling of confidence. Just anticipation for the next one.

  • Oran G. Utan said:
    Nightmares had become so normalised to be, that when that period of my life passed and they became more infrequent, I started to miss them.

    What was it specifically about the dreams you miss?

    If it is just the creative part then you can work on ways to make your concious mind more liberated to find that connection again if it is otherwise elusive. I can't recommend anything specific for this as most things that do it are illegal.

    Was it something else about the nightmares that appealed? Maybe the fact you survived them gave you a thrill, maybe it was confidence that you were strong enough to no longer be afraid - but them if you were not afraid, were they actually nightmares any more and just vivid dreams?

    An experienced therapist should be able to help you unpack this much more accurately.