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Auggters Mental health

NAS73526

My daughter has Autism, she is severely struggling with her.mental health. Her and her dad don't get on, he just doesn't understand her difficulties. He gets drunk every night and is either happy with her or he can be nasty with her. 

She struggles with her mood and when she's down he doesn't get it, he just think she's being awkward and difficult. But she is hard work when lile this and needs total quietness in the house which is difficult as you can imagine we can't be in the kitchen making tea or doing normal day to day things. 

I'm inbetween them both I understand how she's feeling but then also understand why he gets frustrated with her. He doesn't help the situation by being off with her as this makes her worse.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn? 

  • Dear NAS73526,

    I am really sorry to read about the issues you have been experiencing. Thank you for reaching out for advice and help. At NAS we do not offer crisis support but I can direct you to our advice pages on support for mental health and wellbeing. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help

    You could also use our directory service to see if there is any support for you, your husband and daughter in your local area. PLease find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    To explore the services close to you, type in your postcode and the support you would like. 

    I do hope you find something useful in the above pages. 

    With best wishes,

    Anna MOD

  • I am working on a formal diagnosis at 50. I have 3 fine young boys in their 20's. I drank whiskey almost every days for 30 years. The best and absolute best thing you can do for your family, for your daughter who matters most, as hard as it may be is to separate and force him to stop drinking and all. His drinking may come from him having ASD, who knows but until he realizes what you already know, it won't change. Your daughter's future depends on the choices you make right now. That may sound harsh but I have been through it and the sooner you do something the better. ;-)

  • Being caught in the middle is the worst. Have you considered family therapy? Sometimes having a neutral third party help everyone communicate can make a huge difference. And honestly, your husband's drinking isn't helping anyone. He needs to get some support too, maybe Al-Anon for family members of alcoholics?

  • Sounds like he needs help to manage his drinking.

    Does he have other stresses in his life, or is unhappy because of work? 

    An alcoholic father can be really difficult to cope with for neurotypical children too, because of possible unrealistic standards, their moods, and the hurtful things they say when they've had a few too many. 

  • Would his drinking be a problem if your daughter was NT? It sounds very much like he niether accepts or understands autism, maybe he even feels guilty that she is autistic.

    But if he can't or won't accept it, then you need to ask yourself some difficult questions, like who is the adult in this relationship?

    Could you put up some simple sound proofing in her room?