Teenage son can’t tolerate children

Those are such good questions to reflect on, thank you so much. He gets triggered by being asked questions (always has, and more so nowadays) so I have to tread lightly. I make a lot of guesses to the best of my ability but my son gets mad when I’m wrong. I did notice it starting around the time my grandson, who is 9 years younger, began to like Pokémon. All of a sudden my son threw his own Pokémon collection in the trash, and got rid of most of his toys. He began staying outside when grandson was here, or running through the house with headphones. He had (i believe) a medication-triggered  manic episode in May where he made threatening comments against grandson. But then when grandson no longer came to the house, he realized his problem is with all kids. He is starting therapy after a long time on a waiting list, but I think it is going to be pretty hard to get to the heart of the matter and find the right help for him. He has multiple diagnoses at this point and also is borderline ID. 

Could you ask him when he's not angry at having just encountered children why they bother him so much? What is it about the toys that bothers him?

Could it be something like the faces? Personally I find dolls, clowns and puppets really freaky and always have done, theres something about the faces and the lack of animation behind the eyes that freaks me out.

COuld he be overempathising with the children he see's and their toys? Could he feel that those children are being patronised by having such "childish" toys. Is it children of a certain age and their toys that get to him?

I’m sorry that happened, and it makes a lot of sense. I’m learning how much past trauma affects everything. At first I was thinking this was purely a sensory issue for my son, but the more I look into it, it seems to be a lot deeper. My son struggles with expressing himself too, which makes it harder to get to the bottom of this. 

I should state that my feelings mostly stem from my being bullied at school when I was young and the subsequent unresolved emotions.

You are probably on to something, with the jealousy. Especially as relates to my grandson that he successfully has prevented from being able to come over. Did you get over that feeling and if so, how and how long did it take? Any suggestions on outlets for his aggression? And what kind of scenario do you mean with the worst of society? Would love insight on how to get help for him that won’t be insulting or condescending, since he is super sensitive to being disrespected right now, esp by me, his mom. 

Thank you. It helps to hear that he’s not alone in feeling the way he does. I have been worried there is something deeply wrong with him, and scared for what might develop in the future. I love kids, he is my youngest of five kids and it breaks my heart that my grandson can’t come over when he is here. 

Thank you, this looks helpful! 

Thank you for your response! It sounds like his feelings are not that unusual, just his outspoken response is the problem. We have headphones, just working on getting him to use them. I’m not sure what exactly bothers him about kids. He angrily says kids, and their toys, are “stupid”.  For some reason it disturbs him to see them with their toys in public. It is probably something deeper than just the high pitched voices.  

I can relate.  As a childfree person I don't care for children, especially the little ones who run around, squeal piercingly, cough and germ up everything, etc.

I was like that, towards my brother, whenever I was that age. It's a sign of envy, plus Teen angst.

He needs an outlet for his agression. Otherwise he could get sucked into the worst of society.

Good morning KristieT,

Thank you for your post. I am very sorry to hear about the issues you have been experiencing with your son. We have some Advice and Guidance which hopefully you may find useful. 

We have guidance section on behaviour which you may wish to explore and read. Please find the link here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour

There is some advice on sensory differences which you can find here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/sensory-differences/sensory-differences

We also have resources aimed specifically for teenagers which you can find here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers

I really hope you find some useful information here. 

With best wishes,

Anna Mod 

I sort of get where he's comming from, if not the action he takes, I end up indoors fo rmuch of the summerunable to enjoy my garden as much as I'd like to because of neighbours screaming kids, theres one little girl who everytime she squeels, which is every few minutes, practically puts me in a spontaneous low earth orbit. I get told to learn to deal with it, that I have to compromise, well I thought compromise was a two way street and whwn do they ever compromise for me? Kids are a nuisance when you're out and about, running around everywhere with no thought to others and thier parent let them do it.

My other big problem is the number of family friendly pubs and restaurants, why can't we have adult friendly ones? Places where adults can relax and do adult things and not have to mind our P's & Q's and stuff like that? I think I'd have a quieter time at a chimps tea party than a lot of family friendly food outlets.

Will he wear head phones, can you aask him what it is about children that upsets him so much?