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My Agoraphobia

Freckles

So I've been learning more and more about agoraphobia from researching using google, and from seeing others experiences on TikTok and I definitely have this issue and want to see how many of you can relate to this?

If you don't know, Agoraphobia is the fear of becoming overwhelmed and being unable to escape a situation or get help. It can make it incredibly difficult for a person to go to new places, or even to just leave their houses.

For around 5 years now I have not left the house by myself. I have too much anxiety around being outside and being in danger, or being surrounded by too many people. I can leave the house if I am with my 'Safe People' such as my mum, sister and my fiancé. I am suffering from this, it causes me so much depression and sadness because I am missing out on life so much. The last time I went out to do something I enjoyed may have been at the very start of Covid-19. I would go down to the beach and do photography since there were no people around and I felt so free and happy. Being in such a busy town doesn't help, but at the start of next year I will be moving to my partners town with him which is much quieter and has a lot more open field areas with less people. Does anybody else experience this issue?

  • in reply to TigerB

    I don't mind reading about other people's experiences, even if I don't experience them myself. It just shows truly how big this spectrum is. 

    The idea about writing in your notes sounds great, and I'm glad that you've found something that works for you! Thank you for sharing.

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    It's sad that so many of us have these struggles. I used to take my parents dog out if I wanted to go outside as well because at least that way I wouldn't be alone. 
    You too have my sympathy and understanding.

  • Hi Freckles,

    I do. Mine isn't as debilitating as yours sounds. Mine got worse as I got older. 

    I can force myself to a local shop (just over the road). I hardly go out without my wife or if I'm not meeting others. Even the times I have done long walks out, it has been with a dog. I also find it hard to admit to people (outside of this board). I've cancelled things and made excuses many times.

    You have my sympathy and understanding.

  • Hi Freckles,

    I also struggle with agoraphobia, although not to the level you do, mine does fluctuate & has gotten better since I used exposure therapy bit by bit. It can be so terrifying & scary but I do use my 'safe people' to help me adjust bit by bit. I am sorry if this feel this is not an option for you. I have also found things that have helped me in the past when I am trying to leave the house in small ways & challenge myself are: chewing gum, sensory toys, headphones, deep breathing, ice pack or frozen drink, music, or positive affirmations have helped me in the past. I also would plan out where I was going, how long it would take beforehand & at first I had to look up possible escape routes or worst case scenario solutions like getting an uber home. Another thing that helped me when I was trying to leave the house & scared was writing in my notes the situation, telling myself I could do this & writing a SOS plan would help me realise I could turn around & go home when I wanted & every thing does pass. (I even got a tattoo that says "this too shall pass")

    Here is an example of writing in my notes if you don't understand what I mean (In this situation I am have walked to the station & am taking a 20 minute train to my friends house):

    "You are sat by a bathroom just in case, There are 5 stops in total, you can get off at any stop if you change your mind & really feel that you can't handle it & get an uber back home. 'safe person' is only a 20 minute drive at max away from you at all times, in case of an emergency they can come & get you. You are okay, you are strong, you can do this. I'm so proud of you for challenging yourself & if you feel you can't handle it even when you get there at least you pushed yourself & you're one step closer."

    I don't know if you also have this issue but I am terrified to be on my own, especially in my house, if my partner & mum are out I begin to spiral & overthink my existence & feelings within my body. I get super uncomfortable & worry that something is going to happen to me. I'm definitely a lot better than I used to be & don't get it in the daytime as much. I sometimes feel like I'm like a robot & I only come online when I'm with others, I feel like I'm going insane when I'm on my own & I can feel everything too much without any distractions or positive emotions or interactions with life then comes the dark thoughts & shame. I feel like I can't human, like I'm an alien in a body that isn't mine. Anyways, that may have been a bit off topic as you may not experience that as well, so sorry if that all sounds strange to you. I've never openly spoke about it & have only just joined this community & seen your post.

    I hope that moving to your partners town makes things easier for you. I understand what you're saying, I was always worry what would happen if I didn't have my partner, how I would cope. Especially seeing as my mum is not as supportive or understanding as yours sounds, so I can't really call her a safe person anymore. When I get overwhelmed, have a shutdown or meltdown, she tries to support but I can see her looking at me weird. She once said to my partner that she thought that I was freaking out on purpose when she went out because I didn't want her to 'have fun'. 

    I wish I could be my own 'safe person' & strive for that feeling one day...

  • Dear Freckles,

    Thank you for sharing this with our community. While we are waiting for the community to respond, you may want to take a look at our pages about anxiety, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety

    Thank you, Freckles. I hope this helps!

    Warm regards,

    Eunice Mod