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Diagnosed late = Existential Crisis

Jen

Hi

I was diagnosed autistic 18 months ago at the age of 39, I am currently on the long waiting list for ADHD assessment.

I have 4 sons. My now 8 year old was diagnosed autistic at the age of 3. My now 15 year old was diagnosed as both autistic and ADHD 3 years ago. It was the similarities between my 15 year old and myself which made me look into a diagnosis for myself....

I wish I hadn't....

All I hear from people who have been diagnosed is how "freeing" and " positive" it has been for them, but for me it has been anything but. I don't know who I am anymore and it has impacted my relationship with my husband and close family. I am less tolerant and less empathetic to them, I have fallen into depression (was already on in anti depressants before diagnosis) and I just feel numb, isolated, frustrated and hopeless.

I have seen a few therapists and although things improved a little it has been short lived. I am going to yet another therapist soon and I hope and pray she can help me.

Sorry for the depressing post, I guess I just wanted to share in case others also feel this way instead of the "euphoria" other seem to enjoy post diagnosis and maybe some support from others that have gone through this and come out the other side.

Thanks for reading 

  • hi Jen. My euphoria lasted about a day, so I know how you feel. It has helped overrall though (only about 4 months down the line), in that I at least have a bit more information about myself and can forgive myself for stuff even if others don't take it into account.

  • Have you considered AI therapy? Here's an article by the American Pyschologists Association (APA) about online AI therapy. 

    I wasn't diagnosed until I was 60. While I wasn't thrilled to learn that I was autistic, I was relieved. It was good to know why I am the way I am. If you know what your triggers are, you can work to develop coping mechanisms for advoiding or perhaps reducing your reaction to triggering events. 

    In terms of who you are, you are the same person that you always were. Your family remains your family. Your relatonship with your family and any friends should have remained the same. Your income balance hasn't changed. If you're employed, you still have your job, your boss, and your colleagues.

    What's different is that now you know why you react to certain situations or events as you do. I think this is a good thing because knowing your strengths and weaknesses will allow you to build upon what you're good at and to develop coping mechanisms for areas where you might need improvement. 

    You are not alone. A lot of us have been in your shoes. What you choose to do with your diagnosis is of course, strictly up to you.