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Work meltdown

Mouse

Hi

I am so upset with myself I have been under review in work and I have people saying I'm not working up to satisfactory level and when I speak to my friends (who are in really good jobs and have their heads screwed on, I really value their prospective) they say most of the issues are minor and I have a union now and they said that the whole process has been handled poorly so far. With that context. 

I was in the review yesterday and I felt I was doing really well, I've not had any issues for the passed few weeks. I raised an issue that I have felt out of the loop and would value a handover or more communication. I gave examples but then it was said that that is an error on my communication and I have been miscommunicating. I need to be more specific with questions. I don't know what to think, I ask too many questions then I don't ask enough. Unfortunately, this lead to an absolute meltdown in the meeting, I cannot remember much but I can remember saying on repeat I can't do this and I need this to end. I had no energy to communicate anything else. I am so embarrassed. I really love my job and I believe I am good at it. I've had no complaints from anyone about conduct or anything else in recent weeks, It's just been in this review. I don't know what to do next. 

Thanks

  • in reply to Phoebe

    Thank you Phoebe :) I have had a slightly better day today and my union rep couldn't make it to the meeting so someone else sat in but she didn't know my case, she did speak up a couple of times on my behalf. But I kind of wish she helped me navigate the miscommunication section of the review.

    I was asked towards the end of the meeting if I had anything I would like to raise as an issue -as I'd been ill (COVID) the previous week.

    I asked if it'd be okay if I could have a handover when I returned back to work about the things I've missed and if anyone took over from my responsibilities and what has been done.

    I had a meeting in the morning the day I got back. I discussed it then but not many people in the meeting knew for sure what had been done regarding my responsibilities and we have an event that I organised that had unfortunately had to be cancelled we week I was ill. The event was supposed to be in 2 day from the day I returned to work.

    I sent an email after the meeting with some updates from the meeting and then if I've missed anything else please can you update me ( not knowing specifics and bear in mind that I just got back from being ill) this was sent out to the whole team.

    The person in my team that's currently in charge was busy with another matter until the afternoon so I would get a reply ( I didn't know at this point she had kindly took over my responsibilities). My reviewer noted that this is not something I can raise about my team's communication. It's my own communication that was at fault because I needed to be more specific and directly email the person in charge (who was already included in the group email) with what what I actually wanted to be updated on it specifically. But I didn't know who, what or when things changed. This became a back and forth and I said it wasn't fair as I communicated well enough what I needed in the meeting and the email. 

    I did get a reply in the afternoon and I got all the answers I needed but the point of my issue was that it would've been nice to have some sort of trail or be cc'd in emails to know what's happening or happened. 

    Reviewer was adamant I did not communicate well. :( I still think this is unfair, but I have already started adding as much content and context as possible in my emails now. I still can't see how my communication is not good enough. I always do handovers when needed for the team (like if I'm going away) or I log it somewhere so if I'm off sick they can check where I'm up to and carry on. I just need to know who took over and where they get up to when I'm back :(

    This is what spurred the meltdown and the last thing I can properly remember. 

    I did speak with a colleague today who was concerned about me yesterday and she was really nice, it was very helpful to speak this out aloud. 

  • Hi Mouse. I'm sorry to read what you're going through, it must be so overwhelming for you right now. (virtual hugs).

    It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now, and it's completely understandable to feel upset. It's great that you have friends you trust who can offer support and perspective. It's important to remember that your review is just one snapshot of your performance. The fact that you've had no complaints from colleagues or management recently is a good sign. Also, it's great that you brought up your concerns about communication and that you're seeking more clarity. It's possible that there are some misunderstandings or miscommunications on both sides.

    It might be an idea to reach out to your union rep if you have one. They can offer guidance on the review process and your rights. They can also advocate on your behalf if you feel the review is unfair or biased, or you're being treated unfairly which it sounds like you are.
    I think definitely reaching out to the union rep is a good way forward, they can help you more than anyone else with this and you definitely deserve to be helped and understood.

    It's important to look after yourself as well during this stressful time. Give yourself plenty of time to chill and unwind, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek professional help if you need it. Remember, one review doesn't define you or your abilities. You've had a successful track record, and you have the skills and dedication to get through this. It's ok to feel overwhelmed, but try to stay focused and take things one step at a time. Your friends and your union are there to support you, so don't hesitate to reach out for help.