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"Not allowed" to be autistic

pdaddio83

This is a bit of a rant, but I'm in an unhappy mood. Right now I feel like I'm not allowed to be the true me, like I'm expected to mask all the time because I'm the parent in a family and I must be the one who leads by example.

Our autistic daughter just started secondary school, so us and the school have made sure that she's been settled in as best as possible. Everyone has been really good to her, and made sure she's included yet also provisioned for. Everyone tells us how she's allowed to be herself and make her as comfortable as possible.

But, and this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me? Just because I'm 30 years late to the party, do I not get any acceptance or adjustments to help me? This is one of the reasons why I chose not to get a diagnosis myself, because I knew deep down that no-one would care - just carry on and remember to be reasonable all the time.

The true me came out tonight which almost resulted in an argument with my wife. And although I think she's ok with it now, I'm just reliving all the bad emotions and memories again since I can't let go.

Parents

  • It can get better.

    Let me tell you two stories to show that the "30 years late" is not a thing.

    Yesterday in my group, one young lady was diagnosed as a child, the family didn't accept it, she was fostered, was in CAMS and is just starting to get her life together now after an horrendous time.

    I got diagnosed in my 50s, and I had the loveliest lunchtime with my autistic group speaking for an hour to a trans woman about quantum mechanics. This is an experience that I've never had before and it was brilliant.

    I think probably the most important thing for you is to get your wife on board. That was the most important thing for me. My wife has gone from being slightly embarrassed by the idea many years ago to being fully behind me today.

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Thank you, things are feeling better today. Where would someone find an autistic group? I didn't really know such things existed, I've been thinking of ways to try and meet new people who I could get along with.

  • in reply to pdaddio83

    Unfortunately it seems to be a real postcode lottery. Herts and Beds are great, but I don't know other areas, I think this site has a directory? I can't remember - my wife found it.

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