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"Not allowed" to be autistic

pdaddio83

This is a bit of a rant, but I'm in an unhappy mood. Right now I feel like I'm not allowed to be the true me, like I'm expected to mask all the time because I'm the parent in a family and I must be the one who leads by example.

Our autistic daughter just started secondary school, so us and the school have made sure that she's been settled in as best as possible. Everyone has been really good to her, and made sure she's included yet also provisioned for. Everyone tells us how she's allowed to be herself and make her as comfortable as possible.

But, and this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me? Just because I'm 30 years late to the party, do I not get any acceptance or adjustments to help me? This is one of the reasons why I chose not to get a diagnosis myself, because I knew deep down that no-one would care - just carry on and remember to be reasonable all the time.

The true me came out tonight which almost resulted in an argument with my wife. And although I think she's ok with it now, I'm just reliving all the bad emotions and memories again since I can't let go.

Parents

  • I don’t think you are selfish, you have a right to be yourself and ask others for some understanding. It’s sad, that people care only about autistic children. Children grow up and become adults. And of course nobody needs to care about adults as much as for children, some understanding and compassion are still needed. I’m sorry you are going through this. I must admit I’m really lucky to have understanding supportive and accommodating colleagues at work so I have my reasonable adjustments at work without any official diagnosis. Maybe I’m gonna have one after some time, but it doesn’t matter here. It was even harder to sort out with my husband because he was unable to understand sensory sensitivities, which became a big issue since we have our child, he finally accepted the fact that I need earplugs at home. 
    Wether you get a diagnosis or not, you have a right to be yourself and have also your needs accommodated.

Reply

  • I don’t think you are selfish, you have a right to be yourself and ask others for some understanding. It’s sad, that people care only about autistic children. Children grow up and become adults. And of course nobody needs to care about adults as much as for children, some understanding and compassion are still needed. I’m sorry you are going through this. I must admit I’m really lucky to have understanding supportive and accommodating colleagues at work so I have my reasonable adjustments at work without any official diagnosis. Maybe I’m gonna have one after some time, but it doesn’t matter here. It was even harder to sort out with my husband because he was unable to understand sensory sensitivities, which became a big issue since we have our child, he finally accepted the fact that I need earplugs at home. 
    Wether you get a diagnosis or not, you have a right to be yourself and have also your needs accommodated.

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