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"Not allowed" to be autistic

pdaddio83

This is a bit of a rant, but I'm in an unhappy mood. Right now I feel like I'm not allowed to be the true me, like I'm expected to mask all the time because I'm the parent in a family and I must be the one who leads by example.

Our autistic daughter just started secondary school, so us and the school have made sure that she's been settled in as best as possible. Everyone has been really good to her, and made sure she's included yet also provisioned for. Everyone tells us how she's allowed to be herself and make her as comfortable as possible.

But, and this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me? Just because I'm 30 years late to the party, do I not get any acceptance or adjustments to help me? This is one of the reasons why I chose not to get a diagnosis myself, because I knew deep down that no-one would care - just carry on and remember to be reasonable all the time.

The true me came out tonight which almost resulted in an argument with my wife. And although I think she's ok with it now, I'm just reliving all the bad emotions and memories again since I can't let go.

Parents

  • You are allowed to be yourself. You don't say how long it's been since you found out that you were on the spectrum, but it can take a long time to find your true self and stop masking all the time. You might still need to mask on occasion, such as meetings with your daughter's teachers for example, but you should be able to be yourself at home and in your workplace, at least.

    I suggest you research more how autism affects adults (ask any questions you like on here), work out what changes would make life more comfortable for you - maybe getting groceries delivered instead of going to a supermarket, not going to so many social events, having a quiet time each day or each week just to be by yourself, moving to a different space at work where there are less distractions, etc. - then when youve worked that out, have a chat with your wife about it and ask your employer for any reasonable adjustments you feel you need.

    I hope things improve.

Reply

  • You are allowed to be yourself. You don't say how long it's been since you found out that you were on the spectrum, but it can take a long time to find your true self and stop masking all the time. You might still need to mask on occasion, such as meetings with your daughter's teachers for example, but you should be able to be yourself at home and in your workplace, at least.

    I suggest you research more how autism affects adults (ask any questions you like on here), work out what changes would make life more comfortable for you - maybe getting groceries delivered instead of going to a supermarket, not going to so many social events, having a quiet time each day or each week just to be by yourself, moving to a different space at work where there are less distractions, etc. - then when youve worked that out, have a chat with your wife about it and ask your employer for any reasonable adjustments you feel you need.

    I hope things improve.

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