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"Not allowed" to be autistic

pdaddio83

This is a bit of a rant, but I'm in an unhappy mood. Right now I feel like I'm not allowed to be the true me, like I'm expected to mask all the time because I'm the parent in a family and I must be the one who leads by example.

Our autistic daughter just started secondary school, so us and the school have made sure that she's been settled in as best as possible. Everyone has been really good to her, and made sure she's included yet also provisioned for. Everyone tells us how she's allowed to be herself and make her as comfortable as possible.

But, and this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me? Just because I'm 30 years late to the party, do I not get any acceptance or adjustments to help me? This is one of the reasons why I chose not to get a diagnosis myself, because I knew deep down that no-one would care - just carry on and remember to be reasonable all the time.

The true me came out tonight which almost resulted in an argument with my wife. And although I think she's ok with it now, I'm just reliving all the bad emotions and memories again since I can't let go.

Parents
  • pdaddio83 said:
    this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me?

    The approach to someone like yourself in society is pretty much:

    You are big enough to deal with it and get on with it.

    pdaddio83 said:
    I knew deep down that no-one would care

    Other than close friends, family and a partner, nobody else if going to do more than give you a pat on the back and say "thats too  bad" in reality, and most will just say "deal with it" and expect you to get on with it, after all you have got this far without the support you are now talking about.

    I learned long ago that nobody is going to look out for you so you need to look out for yourself.

    My advice is to educate yourself, make what changes you need to operate comfortably with your autistic limitations and carry on as before.

    Get a therapist to help you process a lot of this - it really does help. I've been there, done the sessions, found out a lot more about myself than I realised I needed to and have benefitted tremendously from it. Just make sure they are very well versed in treating autistic adults.

    You can always rely on this community to give a mix of support and advice.

Reply
  • pdaddio83 said:
    this is me feeling a bit selfish here, who says any of that to me?

    The approach to someone like yourself in society is pretty much:

    You are big enough to deal with it and get on with it.

    pdaddio83 said:
    I knew deep down that no-one would care

    Other than close friends, family and a partner, nobody else if going to do more than give you a pat on the back and say "thats too  bad" in reality, and most will just say "deal with it" and expect you to get on with it, after all you have got this far without the support you are now talking about.

    I learned long ago that nobody is going to look out for you so you need to look out for yourself.

    My advice is to educate yourself, make what changes you need to operate comfortably with your autistic limitations and carry on as before.

    Get a therapist to help you process a lot of this - it really does help. I've been there, done the sessions, found out a lot more about myself than I realised I needed to and have benefitted tremendously from it. Just make sure they are very well versed in treating autistic adults.

    You can always rely on this community to give a mix of support and advice.

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