New here

Hello you,

I'm not sure if you will ever read this, maybe you will. I will start apologizing for any grammar mistakes.

I came here to tell you how the things are in "my own planet".

It's lonely here, nobody to talk to but myself, feeling trapped most of the time and unworthy.

Memories playing on my head over and over as a reminder that i can't say anything to you or anyone, if i do so i already know the answers i will get, as you and other said to me so many times. The usual "you are overreacting", "it can't be like that", "stop being a snowflake" or even when i told you i didn't want to exist anymore you answered me "go f yourself".

Yeah, i have my reasons not to say anything to anyone. I don't even know why I'm writting this to you.

It's really hard to have to figure everything out by yourself, not having any family to support you (because they always blame you for being different and why you can't be like your sister), not having any professional help to assist you (after so many disapointments with professionals you don't even want to waste your time anymore) or a partner (that puts no effort understanding you and just wants to throw you deeper into the mask).

I still have hope. I have hope someone one day will hear me at the mothership, i hope they come to take me home. I will forgive them for leaving me alone in this planet, i just want to go home.

I'm old now, I'm not the young girl i used to be. But life doesn't get easier as you grow older. It's not easier not knowing why you are different, why you feel such an alien. You learn to manage your feelings and emotions when people label you as rude, selfish and cold. At a certain point you would do like me, isolate yourself in your own planet and cry rivers when you are alone.

Life became a theater here, not much different from like it was all this years before but at least i can get some peace from all thr noise here and spend sometime with mother nature. She's kind to me.

I'm sorry i'm bothering you with my "stuff", it's the first time i write this to you and i don't expect any response. All I ask is, don't be mean or judgemental, it takes a toll on me bigger than you could possibly imagine.

I wish you all the best and I'm sorry if i sounded rude.