Published on 12, July, 2020
For about maybe seven months now, I've been using BetterHelp for private therapy. I can't say I've found there to be any progress, though I'm not sure I'm going in with the right expectations. My therapist tries to get me to reframe my thoughts. Use less negative language, try to imagine more positive outcomes to situations, that sort of thing. "What would it be like..." is her common language for this. To which my response is often along the lines of "Well that would be unrealistic because xyz". She also tends to point out my "yets" as hopeful, despite my assurance that it's just to avoid an absolute statement. I can't tell if I'm being too rigid and set in my ways, if her approach is ill effective for autism, or a bit of both.
For anyone that uses a therapist, how do you find your engagements with them?
Ive done a number of months now and have found it has generally been good. It's however not what I expected in many ways, I thought I'd just be told the answers, but realised it's about working with the therapist rather than being "taught". having shifted my expectations a little I have found Being able to offload, get some validation on my own opinions of my state, or not if it turns out I'm wrong, has been really good.
Initially I also thought it would be more focussed on my autism and how to manage that specifically. But the fact that it's more focused on my mental health, which is impacted by my autism, is actually helping.
In all honesty, Took me a while to realise mental health and neuro divergent conditions are two different things and that mental health is the "state" we are in, it's the stress, anxiety, depression that anyone can feel as result of something happening and how we respond.
There's many things that are the same for everyone when it comes to mental health, it's just the causes and our reactions that can differ due to conditions like autism, so many of the methods will work, while others won't as the conditions violently over rule the generic methods. I've also heard that some "generic " methods can actually make things worse for autistic folk.
I too tried CBT via the online program that the NHS provide, it had a few useful pointers and I think provided some mechanisms to help cope with generic stuff (fight flight being triggered, too much forward thinking or looking back , mindfulness etc ) but generally I found being autistic, my reactions to certain things really don't fit, so in some cases the methods stood up like a candle in a hurricane.
It's really interesting hearing other people's experience and opinions on this. Always up for a good book too if there's any recommendations. I had started on "unmasking autism" but I found it hard to get into somehow.
I recommend the same book as Bunny. It can help you work out if your therapist is a good fit. Some neuro typical techniques don't work as well for us. Before my therapist moved I ended up accepting that she was good for venting/talking but maybe not great for fixing. I really liked her and was sad to see her go. Talking was still good. In the future I would look for a therapist that had autistic experience.
I've had mixed experiences: pre-diagnosis, I didn't find CBT at all helpful. Post-diagnosis, I was much better informed about what to look for from therapy or counselling, thanks to the book below - and I'm now benefiting from ongoing sessions with a counsellor who is also neurodivergent themselves.
You might also find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, too. It includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several others here have found it very helpful, too:
The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy