Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm an adult with autism, as well as that I have a few trauma based mental health condlitions.
Despite this I work and live a fairly normal life.
I'm still on the waiting list for appropriate trauma therapy, and my gp can't understand why anyone would need support for the ASD side of things.
Anyway the mental health and neuro divergence means my attachment issues are not great. I don't want to be close with most people and that is fine. But I have one friend that is a favourite person, and my attachment issues with her cause problems. She is great and really supportive with all of my conditions.
So problem is if anything upsets me with this friend I go in to complete meltdowns and often end up in crisis and wanting to or acting on urges to self harm or yeet. And the thing that upset me and trigger all of this could be something like her not replying to a message soon enough, or her canceling a day we are meeting. Or one of us unintentionally saying something that upsets the other.
Logically I know it is a complete over reaction to such minor things. And usually I'm pretty tough. But nothing I've tried calms me in these situations until the situation itself is resolved. For example for me I have found compromise useful to feel in control of the situation and feel it is resolved. (E.g. We cant meet up this day but we will meet up tomorrow instead)
However sometimes compromise is just not possible immediately. And Logically I understand that. Though my emotional mind definitely controls my brain in these situations.
I've tried using my calm box, and distracting with hobbies i enjoy and other calming excercises but in these particular nothing gets through at all. It's like the problem is the only thing that matters in the world and the whole world relies on it being fixed. And i can't do anything till it fixed.
I've tried asking mental health teams for advice on this but none of them seem to understand nor have any recommendations. I'm hoping someone here has some ideas.
Thanks for reading, sorry it's such a long question.
(Yes I'm already under a chrisis management team and am being been referred to complexed trauma therapy team before this message causes to many worries)
Seeing if I can post.....ignore this if it appears.
Hi, I'm at the early stages of my asd discovery journey, and I'm wondering if perhaps it's RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) that you are experiencing ?
I can relate to what you say, and I also have CPTSD.
Excuse my ignorance. What is DBT?
That is funny, it does explain it well
Bpd is something my friend has actually been diagnosed with and we do question whether I'd fit the criteria too in additional to the autism. Many therapists won't do trauma (cpt or emdr) with me until one of my brains conditions is more stable. My brain is too broke and complex so most therapists are scared they'll break it more so refuse to support me.
Hopefully could ask if dbt could be done now. Need something to help while I wait. I am on meds which help a little.
It long waiting list for more complex trauma work which understand, but it hard when no one else will see me till then and I can become so "urgy" so quickly for such minor things. Really hate that am like it.
(No offence meant to anyone with my terminology of my own broken brain, it is just my preference on talking about my own mental state.)
It is possible, i can research it at least, thank you
Yes explains it well.
I am exactly like this JLyn.
My wife used to say that I got my period at the same time as her as a joke, but it is a good way of putting it.
Have you looked at the criteria for borderline personality disorder? That can cause those problems. BPD can be treated (DBT). Worth mentioning it to mental health workers if it hasn't been already. Saying that, BPD is the most common misdiagnosis given to people with ASD but you can have both. I have both and have just started DBT and it is helping.
Is it like a very extreme codependence? I sort of am a bit like this with my hubby. If his worlds not great neither is mine but if good so is mine. I mirror his moods without seeming to be able to help it.
I take escitalopram now for anxiety, and it does help me not melt down so often.
I hope you find something that will help you.