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Timcanpy
2 months ago

Hi could moderators please remove this thread please. I have received much good advice thank you but would like it removed if possible 

Thank you

[Moderator note: It generally is our policy not to delete whole threads as it deletes all the replies from other users as well, but I have locked the thread now so there can be no new responses - Ross - mod]

  • 2 months ago in reply to Timcanpy

    You’re most welcome!

  • 2 months ago in reply to Bunny

    Wow reading the second link sounds exactly like the situation with my brother, thank you for sharing it

  • 2 months ago in reply to Martin

    Thank you very much for responding. I do agree that joint counselling is probably a good idea and I will try to suggest it to him but I don't know if he will be open to it as at the moment he is very much of the opinion that my mum is to blame for everything

    Thank you again for your advice, I appreciate it

  • 2 months ago

    It sounds like gaslighting to me (a form of emotional abuse):

    https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470

    A related article, with advice for parents who are being gaslit by their adult children:

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202211/the-top-5-gaslighting-phrases-struggling-adult-children

  • 2 months ago in reply to Caelus

    Thank you for you response and advice. I do agree that life hasn't been easy for him and as you say I cannot force him to forgive but equally the way he is treating my mum seems cruel. 

  • 2 months ago

    sometimes relationships cant recover from bad historical events. if he feels his mum has antagonised or been bad to him in the past he has every right to shun her now and hold it against her. whether he can ever forgive is all on him, perhaps he never had a bond with her, perhaps never had good moments to remember for him to bring it back, perhaps he never got the help he needed like most men in society always gets emotionally neglected and isolated so men often turn more angry and hold grudges due to how society neglects them anyway.

    but if he feels so unforgiving against her and mad at her, then perhaps he should just cut relations alltogether and no longer see her? .... if hes still seeing her its not really that bad, a bad past relation would make him cut off all ties and disown her and not bother visiting. the fact he still visits shows its not that bad, and if its not that bad then yeah maybe he needs to consider forgiving her.... either way, he faces a choice, forgive her and let the past be the past... or dont forgive her and cut ties and stop visiting...  seems a 2 branch simple solution.

  • 2 months ago

    I think that a 33 year old man who is still blaming his parents for how his life turned out is a little pathetic. The attempts at controlling your mother's behaviour and reactions point to a possible narcissistic element to your brother's personality. Being autistic is seldom a reasonable excuse for just being unpleasant. If your brother were serious about improving his relations with your mother, then both of them really need to have counselling together. Try suggesting this to him, if he does not want to know, then he has no real interest in his family relationships and is just on a 'blame game' trip.