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Advice for friend with autism

NAS95092
1 month ago

*trigger warning - this post mentions self harm/suicide*

I hope it's ok to post this here! A few months ago I made a new friend and they have autism. They are several years younger than me however we have a lot of banter together and speak daily. My issue is that I feel that they're crossing the line too much now. I've observed them swearing at home and insulting family, and also to some of their other friends. Our friendship came about from a mutual enjoyment of insulting each other but in a joking way. Now, however, they often tell me to kill myself or to slit my wrists. They've also told me before that they hope I die in a car accident, which touched a nerve as I was involved in a car accident a few years ago (non serious) but it's still something that troubles me. I asked them if they spoke like this to other people but they said that they didn't, they only said this to me. I don't have the greatest understanding of autism so was wondering if anyone could offer insight into this or advice for what I should do about it? I enjoyed being friends with this person but being told to kill myself on a daily basis is starting to get to me.

Parents
  • 1 month ago

    If I was the other person who had overstepped your boundary, yes I am autistic, I would want you to tell me (if you wanted to keep the friendship). Painful honesty is my foundation for a relationship, so I ask people to be honest with me. To a certain extent I may be telling you what I think you want to hear, based on how you have reacted in the past. Might even be uncomfortable saying it, and just say it because you find it funny (when I might not).

    I come from a family who only really insult each other, so I do get it. If you are used to other ways of showing you care and love someone, it can be weird, as they use insults a different way.

    Remember autistic people like repetition too, so if you want it to stop, just say. You might have to explain a bit about why it is now suddenly not OK, so I can learn from the experience in case it happens again with someone else, or with a different phrase.

Reply
  • 1 month ago

    If I was the other person who had overstepped your boundary, yes I am autistic, I would want you to tell me (if you wanted to keep the friendship). Painful honesty is my foundation for a relationship, so I ask people to be honest with me. To a certain extent I may be telling you what I think you want to hear, based on how you have reacted in the past. Might even be uncomfortable saying it, and just say it because you find it funny (when I might not).

    I come from a family who only really insult each other, so I do get it. If you are used to other ways of showing you care and love someone, it can be weird, as they use insults a different way.

    Remember autistic people like repetition too, so if you want it to stop, just say. You might have to explain a bit about why it is now suddenly not OK, so I can learn from the experience in case it happens again with someone else, or with a different phrase.

Children