Published on 12, July, 2020
If I am going to learn how to manage my autism symptoms, then I've decided that I don't want to be in any neurotypical environment anymore - I find neurotypical environments to be too toxic. Watching my sisters and their friends have children of their own is an extremely sad reminder of my mental condition, and I feel that I am unable to be around my parents anymore let alone continue living with them because of the burden that comes with caring for someone with special needs. I am considering living in a suitable autism-friendly environment where I will be spending all day in sensory gardens as a means of permanent respite; focusing on having access to all types of sensory therapies is for the best. The plan for the near future is to start seeing a professional psychiatrist and start looking at being provided with holistic support from the special needs therapeutic educational charities and therapeutic intervention services that I am looking into at the moment. When I start being provided with a special needs mental health team, they need to treat me like an adult but at the same time be capable of cognitive empathy rather than have unrealistic expectations that I will only end up struggling to meet. I will continue self-injuring and hitting myself in the head in frustration, I will continue physically hurting myself and suffering from severe depression and having thoughts of suicide because of the torture that comes with being on the autism spectrum - I have no choice but to learn to live with these demons. People die by suicide every day. Society needs to stop looking at suicide as something considered taboo.
I found the soap box.. here goes....
First off, we are immortal souls,- there is no oblivion, no escape, no need to escape. We can only go forward. The search for oblivion is pointless. It does not exist.
We take on these mortal coils and come here for a looky-loo and some fun. Not to find out what is expected of us and do that. That is tyranny of the soul. One should never enslave oneself to the the tyranny of another's expectations of us.
We are each so unique and our gifts of such value, that to stymie one persons self-determination and pride of place, just to please another persons sense of "right", is the greatest theft we commit upon ourselves: the theft of self-determination.
We interact with other souls with whom we hope to both enhance our own and the other's experiences and deepen our understanding. And we are enhanced by this, in both empathy and spirit. Being one's most authentic self, therefore, is the greatest gift one person a give another.
Time changes things. People around us also change. all things change. Again, there is no such thing as oblivion, only the swirling hurly-burly of all possibility that existence offers. We all have the desire to enhance our soul's journey along the way through experiences in all their varieties.
To wit, and again:
There is no finality. the universe is limitless and ever expanding to include all experience.
Our perceived distress is, 100% of the time, of our own, inescapable making. Make something else, some new and awesome something. Everything else is just a waste of time.
We are immortals on a sojourn here. If we leave without fulfilling (not what others think we should be fulfilling) the experiences we came to seek – our reason for coming at all – we rob only ourselves and defeat our own goals. It's pointless and self defeating.