Published on 12, July, 2020
If I am going to learn how to manage my autism symptoms, then I've decided that I don't want to be in any neurotypical environment anymore - I find neurotypical environments to be too toxic. Watching my sisters and their friends have children of their own is an extremely sad reminder of my mental condition, and I feel that I am unable to be around my parents anymore let alone continue living with them because of the burden that comes with caring for someone with special needs. I am considering living in a suitable autism-friendly environment where I will be spending all day in sensory gardens as a means of permanent respite; focusing on having access to all types of sensory therapies is for the best. The plan for the near future is to start seeing a professional psychiatrist and start looking at being provided with holistic support from the special needs therapeutic educational charities and therapeutic intervention services that I am looking into at the moment. When I start being provided with a special needs mental health team, they need to treat me like an adult but at the same time be capable of cognitive empathy rather than have unrealistic expectations that I will only end up struggling to meet. I will continue self-injuring and hitting myself in the head in frustration, I will continue physically hurting myself and suffering from severe depression and having thoughts of suicide because of the torture that comes with being on the autism spectrum - I have no choice but to learn to live with these demons. People die by suicide every day. Society needs to stop looking at suicide as something considered taboo.
Why is your sisters raising a family, and you continually living with your parents, seen as toxic, yet self-harm and su*cidal ideation, are not seen as toxic by you?
I wonder if you go to an autism-friendly sanctuary, where there's mental health staff there to assist you, who's going to cover the costs of that?