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When the fun stops, Stop. A post prompted by Yellow Tree "melting down" and departing yesterday.

I Sperg

Also prompted by some of the nicer and more innocent posters asking "why?" both in public and also by P.M.

And yes, also hoping that by exploring this issue we can find a way of understanding and managing these issues, and making the forum work better for all, both old and young, Woke or based male or female, traditional or progressive etc.. 

I've mentioned it before, and it bears repeating: I have NEVER had as much "trouble" on the internet as I have had here, and I've been to some pretty contentious places, let me tell you! 

I suggest, and would like help in the form of disagreement or agreement, that this is a facet of Autism.

In plain english, Autism leads us to have bad days where we see argument or opposition where none actually exists.

We have have had that in a previous encounter with that person and situation, and the "once bitten twice shy" situation then immediatly seems to kick in HARD. 

That is my own personal expererience, and after discussing it at some length with my Sprog, who now actually works in MH and is ND we believe this is an artifact of the well known Auitistic "pattern recoognition" SUPERIORITY  over the NT masses.  

Yellow Tree however, specifically mentioned two issues that prompted his departure, and whilst it would be easy (and possibly correct) to see those as his personal issues and none of my business,  he specifcially mentioned his own "Woke" beliefs and "60 year old members of this site" as being an issue for him, which does make it my business, FI I am concerned about "ageism" (which I have been since I was about 12 years old and started doing sponsoered walks for "help the aged" etc.) and also because his break with the community was seemingly triggered by a post I made.

A post which I made at the time with my heart singing with joy, as it seemed Yellow Tree had expressed a concept I'm trying to sell very hard these days "Reject the sin but not the sinner". 

What then seemed to happen, is that YT (I hope the obvious abbreviation is O.K.) Read my post, saw an entirely different attitude being expressed to what I was holding, and went with that. My attempt to explain my self only seemed to make matters worse. 

It became obvious to me before Debbie articulated it, (correctly) that if I merely shut up and stop participating, less people would be motivated to leave this site.

A less drastic position would seem to be, If I were to simply "modify my conduct better in order to fit in", but for some reason, (perhaps described in teh cenrtal word of this websites banner) that course of action seems to be harder than just walking away, or perhaps just retreating to the echo chamber of my inbox? 

Over to to you guys, but one more thing:

JUST here, just now, in this thread only please obey this rule: As soon as you feel inclined to write a passionate post from the hip, do it by all means, but make sure you keep it safe adn ready to post, but sleep on it (literally) before htting send.

I think this is a serious and diffciult enough topic that it will take a day or two before the community works out a way that we can stem the flow of otherwise rational and valuable posters form this site. So there isn't a race to post before obscurity sets in. I'll bump it myself at least over the weekend if replies are sparse.

I have asked for a second opinion both from the wiser members of this site, and also the admins on occasion, (for about two years now), as to whether I make a net positive contribution to the site, because in addition to the guilt I feel when anyone takes violent objection to something I said then appears to "strop off, comlaing bitterly" I also get periods where I get sick of the conversation and want to leave for my own personal reasons. There is an element of addiction to this stuff, that if I'm doing no good, I ought to be working harder to break. 

I created a "safe space" thread instead where I can go and share the most innocent and non-controversial of human activities, looking at each others pussycats. (I wonder if that word will make it past the filter?)  Everyone copes in different ways, but maybe as a community we can make ourselves stronger somehow if we talk more about this weakness we seem to suffer from?  

Maybe a brave MOD or even one of the usually quite reticient but wiser members of the forum might be able to help lead us towards a better way of conducting ourselves? 

Parents

  • I'm not familiar with what happened with Yellow Tree because I disappeared for about a week. But I agree with a lot of what you have said I Sperg. In fact, the reason why I am not very active and often disappear is because it is my way of coping with this phenomenon. This forum can get a bit intense sometimes but I do the same everywhere - when it gets too much, I just silently go away.

    I Sperg said:
    I suggest, and would like help in the form of disagreement or agreement, that this is a facet of Autism.

    I think it probably is a facet of autism.

    Personally I am prone to black and white thinking and hold very rigid views. I have historically got into arguments a lot, including with people I would rather not be arguing with, and I get very frustrated when I feel misunderstood. Either I am not articulating myself properly or there is a mismatch in thinking methods, but I think there is also an inability to deal with other people being "wrong". I suspect a lot of this is true of many on the spectrum.

    After decades of these kind of disagreements I just got to the point where I try to people please and avoid arguments as much as possible, and one method of doing that is to remove myself from conversation.

    Sometimes I do still speak my mind, but I always seem to regret it. I self-censor a lot for that reason, or just avoid participating altogether.

    I find that a lot of disagreements and hurt feelings that I have experienced tend to stem from misunderstandings. Language is imprecise and nuanced, but I tend to only find one meaning in what people say, and my own use of language also tends to be misunderstood often and malice assumed where there is none (perhaps from bluntness). My solution to that tends to be to over-explain because I'm afraid of people finding a hidden meaning I didn't intend.

    I don't know of a good solution because people here will always have different opinions to each other. We should of course be kind and give each other the benefit of the doubt, not assume bad intent, and remember that it's OK to disagree. But it's inherently part of being autistic to have communication problems so I suspect it will always happen.

    I Sperg said:
    I have asked for a second opinion both from the wiser members of this site, and also the admins on occasion, (for about two years now), as to whether I make a net positive contribution to the site

    I think you make a good contribution because I have liked reading your posts even if I haven't replied.

Reply

  • I'm not familiar with what happened with Yellow Tree because I disappeared for about a week. But I agree with a lot of what you have said I Sperg. In fact, the reason why I am not very active and often disappear is because it is my way of coping with this phenomenon. This forum can get a bit intense sometimes but I do the same everywhere - when it gets too much, I just silently go away.

    I Sperg said:
    I suggest, and would like help in the form of disagreement or agreement, that this is a facet of Autism.

    I think it probably is a facet of autism.

    Personally I am prone to black and white thinking and hold very rigid views. I have historically got into arguments a lot, including with people I would rather not be arguing with, and I get very frustrated when I feel misunderstood. Either I am not articulating myself properly or there is a mismatch in thinking methods, but I think there is also an inability to deal with other people being "wrong". I suspect a lot of this is true of many on the spectrum.

    After decades of these kind of disagreements I just got to the point where I try to people please and avoid arguments as much as possible, and one method of doing that is to remove myself from conversation.

    Sometimes I do still speak my mind, but I always seem to regret it. I self-censor a lot for that reason, or just avoid participating altogether.

    I find that a lot of disagreements and hurt feelings that I have experienced tend to stem from misunderstandings. Language is imprecise and nuanced, but I tend to only find one meaning in what people say, and my own use of language also tends to be misunderstood often and malice assumed where there is none (perhaps from bluntness). My solution to that tends to be to over-explain because I'm afraid of people finding a hidden meaning I didn't intend.

    I don't know of a good solution because people here will always have different opinions to each other. We should of course be kind and give each other the benefit of the doubt, not assume bad intent, and remember that it's OK to disagree. But it's inherently part of being autistic to have communication problems so I suspect it will always happen.

    I Sperg said:
    I have asked for a second opinion both from the wiser members of this site, and also the admins on occasion, (for about two years now), as to whether I make a net positive contribution to the site

    I think you make a good contribution because I have liked reading your posts even if I haven't replied.

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