My entire life I have been terrified of flying insects (or at least any of the ones with heft and that are noisy: wasps, bees, bluebottles, larger flies), especially if they invade the sanctuary of one's home. Twice in the last month I have again been reminded of how debilitating this phobia can be, and last night (the second of the two instances) for the second time in just a few weeks I slept on the sofa having had my bedroom taken over by a loud and buzzing thing of some kind. I had only opened the window in there by half a milimetre, precisely because of this sort of thing but they somehow squeeze through and aggressively take over anyway. Last time it was definitely a wasp - I found it dead when I dared to open the door again (covered head to foot in protective gear) and did an inch by inch extremely slow and tentative exploration from the door inwards. The relief of the ordeal being over felt just as immense at the age of 46 as it did at 7, 15, 29,38, 41, or any other age I've ever been.
Now, when this occurs, some tiny part of me remains rational - let's say 10% - but it has retreated so far into the background of fight or flight that it has no hope for the duration of the experience of reclaiming the lost 90% and taking the wheel with logically overriding statements like 'You're so much bigger than it is' and 'The worst it can do is lightly touch you or sting you'. I have lost count of the number of times from childhood to adulthood when my dad would roll his eyes at my extreme reaction and say 'what in the name of...?' like this fear was somehow a fresh revelation to him. There might then be follow-up comments ('Big fly.... gonna eat you') which were sarcastic/humorous attempts to make me get hold of a logical perspective in what felt no less frightening to me in that moment than undergoing a mugging or a car crash. I have made such attempts over the years, never ever successfully.
But what I'm wondering now is.. just as the autistic brain and nervous system is more resistant to (or entirely immune to) CBT methods of combatting overwhelm, is that equally true of the individual phobias we have? Post-diagnosis I realise that it's the unpredictabilty (all that chaotic ricocheting and careering from wall to wall, room to room, person to person) and the volume of noise being scarily disproportionate to the size of the insect that is what truly scrambles my logic circuits and amplifies the fear beyond reason. I can't inuitiively track their path maybe as readily or intuitively as a neurotypical person might? Not sure.
Does any of this chime with your own experiences of phobias? Can you anecdotally relate? I know that any tangible stats would be elusive/non-existent, so I suppose 'I know exactly what you mean' is the best I can hope for! Though 'Er, no, you headcase' might be just as enlightening!
