Published on 12, July, 2020
TW FOR MENTIONS OF TRAUMA FLASHBACKS - NOTHING GRAPHIC THOUGH
Hi there!! I'm an 18 year old autistic girl who was diagnosed last year and I feel like since my diagnosis, I just seem to be struggling a lot more. I guess in part that is due to starting to unmask in public as well as starting university which was a massive change and something I found very difficult to settle in to. However, I've noticed that I've also been struggling a lot more mentally recently too.
All of a sudden, I've been getting these kind of flashbacks to random events of bullying and just general social isolation that happened to me as a young autistic kid. Whilst I was in school, I did struggle with my mental health but I got therapy through my school counsellor and I genuinely thought everything was in the past. But recently I've just been getting flashbacks to these events and they make me really upset. A lot of the time it's not even specific instances of anything happening, but it's like all the emotions I felt in those moments just come back and it's not very nice and I feel like I just have to run away somewhere and cry.
It's got to the point now though where certain things just set me off. Like last week I needed the bathroom and went into a university building to go but unfortunately, it was closed. The receptionist at the front desk told me so and I just burst out crying in front of her and all these weird emotions just came back to me. When I go to parties with friends I often feel pressure to drink because I get memories of being left out and I worry that I'm becoming their least favourite friend. I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells because being the least favourite of my uni friends feels like the worst thing that could ever happen. I keep trying to avoid what happened as a kid happening to me again.
I tried looking for results about what's been happening in my brain online and it comes up with stuff about PTSD. But I keep trying to tell myself I clearly don't have it because many PTSD symptoms present as autism and vice versa. So now I''m confused; what is the difference between the two in presentation and also how do I know if I have both?? Or am I just being a dramatic teenage girl again? Furthermore, if anyone has experienced anything similar, I'd love to hear your experience and maybe what you do to avoid getting triggered?
HI Ohhello - I am male and a lot older than you. We can have autism and mental health issues. Trauma in autism is real. Have you considered asking for help via the NHS?